Good Morning everybody! Is it me or is this week never gonna end? Probably because i have the entire next week of and i know im staring at a ten hour day this friday. So thats probably why its taking so darn long! So the Yankees swept the Indians today but in the process we lost Andy Petitte for about six weeks. He was the recipiant of a line drive off his anklemy decision or bet=fore and it fractured. Ugh! Well im hping for a speedy recovery and he will be back sooner than later.
So i have been noticing myself changing alot lately. You know the whole with age comes wisdom? Well im not saying im getting smarter but i notice i dont react as quick to certain things as i once did. Almost like i wait it out and see how things go before i make my decision or before i decide one way or another.Dont get me wrong if i feel ive been wronged or someone is trying to start something i will jump faster than,than,than okay i have nothing at this moment but its something!! I dont know its just hard to explain. Almost like the little things no longer bither me and i dont let them get to me anymore. I tend to take things as they are presented to me and go from there.
I dont wanna say in the past ive been a hot head because that makes me sound like i have/had anger issues. But i use to react on point to situations as to now i really dont think i would. I seem to be growing up and picking my battles wiser and steering away from battles in general. Maybe i was angry back then. It seems id have a reason to be. I would always be the first there to defend a friend but now it to me doesnt seem like the same friend cares enough to be around.So now i think i would probably let them do their own battle. Yeah yeah yeah give me shit about the "Ive got your back line" and ill say in order for that to be true they have to be there when no battles are occuring. Does this make any sense? Or am i just rambling? Either way i will continue...Life changes and people change just as much. Alot of the time a new life begins and we fail to even see it until our best friends become just another memory.
I have created a new plan for myself and the way i have this plan worked out in my head its a one year plan. The thing is though im not sure anybody will be around after the year is up. I know im being all secreative and stuff but thats just because i have too. But itd be a big change for me and in fact it would almost be like a culture shock just without the culture part. It would be hard too. And things would have to fall into place as far as work ws concerned. Who knows maybe i will start for a month and see how it goes. Little by little things will start taking shape and they will get better. If i didnt tell myself this everyday id give up. Well ladies and gents im gonna wrap this up for the night. So thanks as always for reading my blogs. Have a good day and remember Friday is only a day away!!!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Monday, June 25, 2012
Make-A-Wish John Cena
Hello everybody!! I hope everybodys Monday went smoothly and I'm sure like me most of you are already counting down to Friday. I'm not really sure I'm looking forward to Friday for the simple fact i have to work nine and a half hours! On a Friday!? However not all hope is lost because next week I'm off everyday except Friday. Hmmm this Friday thing is starting to become a battle of two evils! My Monday was pretty good and too be honest Monday's don't really bother me for the simple fact i normally have all my energy at the beginning of the week so I'm raring to go!!And speaking of raring to go..On with the blog!
So i don't know how many of you watch or even care about wrestling. Yes the sport that fakes the action. Because we all know they know how to fall and its all a plan and premeditated show. Yada yada yada and yes i said all that sarcastically. I have been a lifelong wrestling fan . And over the years I've learned it is entertainment and in some aspects its lost the sparkle to me. As a kid it was so real! They were really hitting each other. The mover really hurt and the good guy most always won. As i grew up i realized maybe it wasn't as real as i thought it was. It was for the most part planned and staged. Alot of it was different now. I'm not sure if it is because i have grown up and well realized the truth or if the willingness to call it entertainment has taken some of the luster away. Now this particular blog isn't just about wrestling i could go on for hours about the sport aspect of it. This is about a man named John Cena( big groan from the crowd) now what a minute before you all decide I'm no longer worth the read just finish this up and you'll understand where this is coming from. And maybe you still wont care but im still gonna write.
Now i am not a follower in Cenation but at the same time i don't hate the guy. As his shirt tells me i rise above hate. I was watching raw tonight and the promo for the Make-A-Wish came on and they were talking about how last Monday John set a record and granted his 300th wish. Now i am no way,shape or form jumping on the band wagon. But I'm gonna praise John for his remarkable commitment to those children. For those who don't know Make-A-Wish is a non profit. Let me repeat non profit foundation that grants wishes to children who are facing life threatening medical conditions. 300! That's an incredible number given the schedule Cena has on a weekly, monthly and yearly basis. He has shows every night in different cities all over the world. He has appearance obligations to live up to and here this guy takes time out of his schedule to grant wishes for these children.
Now i know there are a lot of celebrities that do charity and I'm not knocking any of them. I'm sure they have busy schedules too but I'm writing about John because wrestling gets a bad rap in the media. As with alot of things the great things these people do tend to go unnoticed. He doesn't have to take the time out of his life to do this. He could say "no i just wrestled last night and was on a flight for 8 hours I'm tired and i wanna sleep" But he doesn't.He steps up to the plate and greets these kids with the enthusiasm that he brings to our televisions ever Monday night. Alot of celebrities have said and continue to say yeah its all about the fans and the people. But Cena shows it to those kids. The way their little faces light up when he enters the room has to be one of the greatest feeling for John. Now i know he plays a character on raw and smack down. And his job is to draw the fans into the show and make us want more. I'm not sure any superstar has ever drawn such a mixed reaction as he does. And its not just in one city its in every city this guy goes to. Often on Mondays you can hear a chant of "Lets go Cena, Cena sucks" Like i said I'm on the fence i respect the guy for his work ethic. And i respect him even more for what hes done for these kids. Its applaud able and admirable. In a business where the job is to tell a story i think the story John Cena has written outside of the squared circle is one that will never be rewritten. He will continue to add to the wish count.I don't know him personally but I'm willing to bet its not about the number its about the kids. Its about the smile and its about knowing he made a kids life special even if for a moment. Knowing that the child's wish is to meet him out of all the other famous people in this world must be kind of overwhelming.
Yes John Cena makes alot of money and yes John is the face good or bad of the business. In fact and this can be argued i dare say the most popular superstar in history. Love him or hate him hell maybe you don't care but respect is the word i think of when i think of him. Its awesome what hes doing for these sick children and even more awesome he is so willing to continue taking time out of his personal life to meet and greet them and make their wishes come true. We all should be so lucky to have our wishes granted. I know John Cena will never read this and he will never know me as more than a member of the WWE universe but i want to say thank you John for being a shining star in the business that has a bad rap. For staying true to your beliefs and staying true to your fans. Ive often said John Cena is this generations Hulk Hogan. But i should correct myself John Cena is bigger than Hulk Hogan the difference? John Cena has never let the fame and fortune go to his head and for that I say Thank you Cena! Thank you Cena!
So i don't know how many of you watch or even care about wrestling. Yes the sport that fakes the action. Because we all know they know how to fall and its all a plan and premeditated show. Yada yada yada and yes i said all that sarcastically. I have been a lifelong wrestling fan . And over the years I've learned it is entertainment and in some aspects its lost the sparkle to me. As a kid it was so real! They were really hitting each other. The mover really hurt and the good guy most always won. As i grew up i realized maybe it wasn't as real as i thought it was. It was for the most part planned and staged. Alot of it was different now. I'm not sure if it is because i have grown up and well realized the truth or if the willingness to call it entertainment has taken some of the luster away. Now this particular blog isn't just about wrestling i could go on for hours about the sport aspect of it. This is about a man named John Cena( big groan from the crowd) now what a minute before you all decide I'm no longer worth the read just finish this up and you'll understand where this is coming from. And maybe you still wont care but im still gonna write.
Now i am not a follower in Cenation but at the same time i don't hate the guy. As his shirt tells me i rise above hate. I was watching raw tonight and the promo for the Make-A-Wish came on and they were talking about how last Monday John set a record and granted his 300th wish. Now i am no way,shape or form jumping on the band wagon. But I'm gonna praise John for his remarkable commitment to those children. For those who don't know Make-A-Wish is a non profit. Let me repeat non profit foundation that grants wishes to children who are facing life threatening medical conditions. 300! That's an incredible number given the schedule Cena has on a weekly, monthly and yearly basis. He has shows every night in different cities all over the world. He has appearance obligations to live up to and here this guy takes time out of his schedule to grant wishes for these children.
Now i know there are a lot of celebrities that do charity and I'm not knocking any of them. I'm sure they have busy schedules too but I'm writing about John because wrestling gets a bad rap in the media. As with alot of things the great things these people do tend to go unnoticed. He doesn't have to take the time out of his life to do this. He could say "no i just wrestled last night and was on a flight for 8 hours I'm tired and i wanna sleep" But he doesn't.He steps up to the plate and greets these kids with the enthusiasm that he brings to our televisions ever Monday night. Alot of celebrities have said and continue to say yeah its all about the fans and the people. But Cena shows it to those kids. The way their little faces light up when he enters the room has to be one of the greatest feeling for John. Now i know he plays a character on raw and smack down. And his job is to draw the fans into the show and make us want more. I'm not sure any superstar has ever drawn such a mixed reaction as he does. And its not just in one city its in every city this guy goes to. Often on Mondays you can hear a chant of "Lets go Cena, Cena sucks" Like i said I'm on the fence i respect the guy for his work ethic. And i respect him even more for what hes done for these kids. Its applaud able and admirable. In a business where the job is to tell a story i think the story John Cena has written outside of the squared circle is one that will never be rewritten. He will continue to add to the wish count.I don't know him personally but I'm willing to bet its not about the number its about the kids. Its about the smile and its about knowing he made a kids life special even if for a moment. Knowing that the child's wish is to meet him out of all the other famous people in this world must be kind of overwhelming.
Yes John Cena makes alot of money and yes John is the face good or bad of the business. In fact and this can be argued i dare say the most popular superstar in history. Love him or hate him hell maybe you don't care but respect is the word i think of when i think of him. Its awesome what hes doing for these sick children and even more awesome he is so willing to continue taking time out of his personal life to meet and greet them and make their wishes come true. We all should be so lucky to have our wishes granted. I know John Cena will never read this and he will never know me as more than a member of the WWE universe but i want to say thank you John for being a shining star in the business that has a bad rap. For staying true to your beliefs and staying true to your fans. Ive often said John Cena is this generations Hulk Hogan. But i should correct myself John Cena is bigger than Hulk Hogan the difference? John Cena has never let the fame and fortune go to his head and for that I say Thank you Cena! Thank you Cena!
Sunday, June 24, 2012
we have all been there...
Good evening everybody! Today was a great freaking day! Awesome day! Fantastic day! Not even Dale Junior finishing 23rd today at Sonoma could dampen today. And on that note this blog will probably seem sad or depressing but its really not. Its a subject we have all had to deal with one way or another. And by the way the Yankees won today. Taking the rubber match up from the Mets. We won 6-5.And even though the dish went out as the bottom of the 9th started we managed to hang on. Go figure the signal came back on to sportscenter.
Okay so we all at some point have been in a relationship. We know that amazing, walking on clouds all day kind of feeling. The joys of a new relationship is unmatched. You can hardly wait to talk to that person and can barely stand the thought of being away from them for any amount of time. And i swear ever happy song on the radio was written about the two of you and somehow the singer knew it was the perfect time to release the song. Everything is perfect and nothing could mess it up. There are few things that can compare to the pure bliss of being in love. You put that persons needs and wants before yours without thinking twice. Being in a room full of people and only seeing your significant other. Its a feeling that is so difficult to desribe and as we may try its still indescribable.
Sometimes when things dont work out. For whatever reason it can be devastating for one person while on the other side it could be what they wanted. Maybe they wanted the freedom to come and go as they please. Maybe they didnt feel the same connection they once felt. There are so many reasons for relationships to end. While one person gets the freedom they so desire the other person is left to question what went wrong. What could they have done differently? The days drag on and they feel like they will never end. The nights are sleepless and restless. Nothing feels right. Theres no hunger. No thirst. No smile things that once were funny are no longer funny. The feeling is of being broken. Even though we all know these feelings. When we are hurt we feel so alone and dont feel like anybody could possibly understand. And once again the radio is only playing those sad songs which must have been written for us at that particular moment. Its crazy how things in life work out. Sometimes we search and search only to keep getting hurt while others find the one they were ment to be with and have a fulfilling lasting life with. I do believe theres somebody out there for all of us and timing is everything. Sometimes we chase after a person for months only to get hurt in the end anyway. I do know that love is one of the most powerful feelings and emotions ive ever felt. On a bad day it can lift you up and on a good day it can bring you down just as fast. And taking the cahnce on being hurt is worth it. Some people feel they wont ever find it and just give up on it.
And of course theres love that doesnt have to be physical. Love in the heart can make people do things for others. Just because they are great people at heart. Its that love that seems rare. Nowadays it seems people are only out for themselves and could care less about another person. Small things can make a huge difference for a person. Seems people do things for others and expect some sort of payment. Littles things make a huge difference. And if for no other reason it should make a person feel good about themselves.
Well i hope i havent rambled to much for anybody. Ihope everybody had a great weekend and hopefully the week is a great on and remember the fourth of July is right around the corner. Lets remember its more than a day of its a time to celebrate our freedom and with the freedom we have has come with great sacrife from the men and women who serve our unselfishly serve our great country. So too these brave people i say thank you. And i know no words can express the gratitude i have towards each of you. You are the real herosof this world.
Okay so we all at some point have been in a relationship. We know that amazing, walking on clouds all day kind of feeling. The joys of a new relationship is unmatched. You can hardly wait to talk to that person and can barely stand the thought of being away from them for any amount of time. And i swear ever happy song on the radio was written about the two of you and somehow the singer knew it was the perfect time to release the song. Everything is perfect and nothing could mess it up. There are few things that can compare to the pure bliss of being in love. You put that persons needs and wants before yours without thinking twice. Being in a room full of people and only seeing your significant other. Its a feeling that is so difficult to desribe and as we may try its still indescribable.
Sometimes when things dont work out. For whatever reason it can be devastating for one person while on the other side it could be what they wanted. Maybe they wanted the freedom to come and go as they please. Maybe they didnt feel the same connection they once felt. There are so many reasons for relationships to end. While one person gets the freedom they so desire the other person is left to question what went wrong. What could they have done differently? The days drag on and they feel like they will never end. The nights are sleepless and restless. Nothing feels right. Theres no hunger. No thirst. No smile things that once were funny are no longer funny. The feeling is of being broken. Even though we all know these feelings. When we are hurt we feel so alone and dont feel like anybody could possibly understand. And once again the radio is only playing those sad songs which must have been written for us at that particular moment. Its crazy how things in life work out. Sometimes we search and search only to keep getting hurt while others find the one they were ment to be with and have a fulfilling lasting life with. I do believe theres somebody out there for all of us and timing is everything. Sometimes we chase after a person for months only to get hurt in the end anyway. I do know that love is one of the most powerful feelings and emotions ive ever felt. On a bad day it can lift you up and on a good day it can bring you down just as fast. And taking the cahnce on being hurt is worth it. Some people feel they wont ever find it and just give up on it.
And of course theres love that doesnt have to be physical. Love in the heart can make people do things for others. Just because they are great people at heart. Its that love that seems rare. Nowadays it seems people are only out for themselves and could care less about another person. Small things can make a huge difference for a person. Seems people do things for others and expect some sort of payment. Littles things make a huge difference. And if for no other reason it should make a person feel good about themselves.
Well i hope i havent rambled to much for anybody. Ihope everybody had a great weekend and hopefully the week is a great on and remember the fourth of July is right around the corner. Lets remember its more than a day of its a time to celebrate our freedom and with the freedom we have has come with great sacrife from the men and women who serve our unselfishly serve our great country. So too these brave people i say thank you. And i know no words can express the gratitude i have towards each of you. You are the real herosof this world.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Good early morning ladies and gentlemen. How is everybody doing tonight? I am despite technological failures I'm doing pretty darn good. No real reason just upbeat as i write this. Maybe the potential death of my phone has me upbeat. Not that many people bother talking much anymore. Would you believe me if i told you at one point and time i was averaging 10,000 text messages a month! Yes you read that correctly a month! And now you wonder why Verizon wants to change all the plans around. I have the unlimited data package because I'm Grandfathered in and lemme tell you i was once told i use about four and a half gigs in a month. Yes my phone is my computer. That's where i get all my information from. And to be honest I'm tired of it. Id really like to go back to the simple way of life. Where we talked via the phone, hearing a voice on the other end rather than reading a few words. But i probably wouldn't be able to survive a week without my fancy phone. I use it on bike rides for music. Seems to keep the legs moving. Plus if I'm asked a question all i have to do is pull out the phone look it up and within a matter of minutes i have the answer. And the forecast news and sports right there at my finger tips. Plus id really miss everybody harassing me about it. Gives me the attention i so desire. * that was sarcastic*
Oh well. although lately i have really considered dumping the phone for something different. Maybe a straight talk phone. Too bad i couldn't ride bike all day long. Speaking of riding bike, today when my brother and i were in the cemetery we saw a little fox. He came out in front of us and at first we were kinda leary because who knows maybe it had rabies but it didn't seem to care we were there so we let it be. Although i took some pictures of it. I must have looked kind of silly peaking from behind the headstone with my phone trying to snap a few pictures but finally i got them. Its so cool seeing all the different animals out and about. Deer, fox, squirrels, chipmunks, dogs, cats, horses, and even fish! Well fish at the lake. I really cant wait to do the ride on the 21st of July and even better my niece may join us! Yay! I really miss spending time with her, We always had so much fun hanging out. Of course that was when life was so much more simpler. As it always is when you are younger. But as we all know nothing lasts forever the young get old and the old get older. Hmmm. Yeah.
So i made it through the 22 nd I had my down moments but all in all i was okay. Although to say i was disappointed with a few people will be the understatement of this century but hey whatever in the back of my mind it was expected. Because I've learned its not what they do for you its always what can you do for them! Every damn time. Oh well right? The Yankees lost Friday night to the Mets. That's okay though we will get em Saturday and Sunday. Nova is on the bump Saturday. His record is 9-2. Not too shabby. And "King James" finally got his ring. Which we all knew would happen eventually. I'm not a fan of his but the guy has alot of talent. We cant take that away from him. I just don't like the way he has handled himself the past couple of years. And that stupid stupid "The decision" interview was horrible! But I'm not here to hate on him. Its his life to live the way he so chooses. I just don't like the way he dumped on the fans in Cleveland. He should have stuck around and told management to bring in players and surround him with the talent there. But at the same time it is Miami. And I'm sure that itself was more appealing and playing alongside his friends probably helped in the decision . That's okay though my bulls will make a run next year. And I'm not bragging here but i said the shorter season would benefit the heat more than any other team and it did. Lebron always seemed to tire out in the later stages of the playoffs but this year seens the season didn't start until later it was a great advantage. I guess it just bothers me when guys lose their loyalties to the team and fans that they started with. This is a touchy subject too because obviously if there is a great player that isn't on my team then i want to have him on my team. So i guess i cant have my cake and eat it too. Always remember boys and girls money talks and bullshit walks. Although I've only seen it lay on the ground. And i guess another factor is was and always will be the money. If a team will pony up the cash then the player will follow. As i probably would too.
Well folks that's all for tonight. Have a great weekend in case I'm not on here til Sunday or Monday. Enjoy the sun and go Dale Junior
Oh well. although lately i have really considered dumping the phone for something different. Maybe a straight talk phone. Too bad i couldn't ride bike all day long. Speaking of riding bike, today when my brother and i were in the cemetery we saw a little fox. He came out in front of us and at first we were kinda leary because who knows maybe it had rabies but it didn't seem to care we were there so we let it be. Although i took some pictures of it. I must have looked kind of silly peaking from behind the headstone with my phone trying to snap a few pictures but finally i got them. Its so cool seeing all the different animals out and about. Deer, fox, squirrels, chipmunks, dogs, cats, horses, and even fish! Well fish at the lake. I really cant wait to do the ride on the 21st of July and even better my niece may join us! Yay! I really miss spending time with her, We always had so much fun hanging out. Of course that was when life was so much more simpler. As it always is when you are younger. But as we all know nothing lasts forever the young get old and the old get older. Hmmm. Yeah.
So i made it through the 22 nd I had my down moments but all in all i was okay. Although to say i was disappointed with a few people will be the understatement of this century but hey whatever in the back of my mind it was expected. Because I've learned its not what they do for you its always what can you do for them! Every damn time. Oh well right? The Yankees lost Friday night to the Mets. That's okay though we will get em Saturday and Sunday. Nova is on the bump Saturday. His record is 9-2. Not too shabby. And "King James" finally got his ring. Which we all knew would happen eventually. I'm not a fan of his but the guy has alot of talent. We cant take that away from him. I just don't like the way he has handled himself the past couple of years. And that stupid stupid "The decision" interview was horrible! But I'm not here to hate on him. Its his life to live the way he so chooses. I just don't like the way he dumped on the fans in Cleveland. He should have stuck around and told management to bring in players and surround him with the talent there. But at the same time it is Miami. And I'm sure that itself was more appealing and playing alongside his friends probably helped in the decision . That's okay though my bulls will make a run next year. And I'm not bragging here but i said the shorter season would benefit the heat more than any other team and it did. Lebron always seemed to tire out in the later stages of the playoffs but this year seens the season didn't start until later it was a great advantage. I guess it just bothers me when guys lose their loyalties to the team and fans that they started with. This is a touchy subject too because obviously if there is a great player that isn't on my team then i want to have him on my team. So i guess i cant have my cake and eat it too. Always remember boys and girls money talks and bullshit walks. Although I've only seen it lay on the ground. And i guess another factor is was and always will be the money. If a team will pony up the cash then the player will follow. As i probably would too.
Well folks that's all for tonight. Have a great weekend in case I'm not on here til Sunday or Monday. Enjoy the sun and go Dale Junior
Thursday, June 21, 2012
a few memories of my hero..
So i wonder if everybody eats food when they get out of work. I mean i normally just have a bowl of cereal or lately I've been on an eggs and toast kick. So yummy!!And a glass of milk. Which is rare because i don't normally drink milk. As i sit here and half listen to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air i have been thinking about this date. June 22 2000. The day that changed me forever.
Now as time has passed i find myself looking back not with the anger that i have had. I was bitter towards alot of things. I was mad i didn't have my Dad anymore. Mad that he wasn't around anymore. Mad he wouldn't see me graduate high school. Get married and his grand kids wouldn't ever meet him. I just didn't understand why i lost him. I felt alone. Depressed.Sad I mean he was my hero. Superman to me. The man i wanted to be. And all of a sudden he was gone. I had no idea what i was suppose to do. Where to go. What would i do now? He had become my best friend after my Mom had passed away and now he was gone too. I was living with my brother after Dad passed away and i couldn't even stay at my house for longer than 15 minutes at a time. I would just sit in here and cry. I felt so empty without him. If it weren't for my cat Thunder i probably wouldn't have come over here at all. But little by little i was able to come over here more often. And spend more time with Thunder. I have always felt both my parents are still with me if not physically they are here in spirit.
I'm sure like most little boys my Dad taught me so much. I remember learning how to drive. Well i would sit in his lap steering the truck on a dirt road. Everyday i drive down that road i think about that. Then when i was big enough to push the gas pedal he would pull over and let me drive. I wouldn't shift though i was scared i would grind the gears! So i would push the clutch in and he would pull the shifter into second gear. I wasn't allowed to go over 15 miles an hour. But that didn't stop me from asking. And at the end of every drive i would always get told "Now bear don't tell your mom. She worries alot" I'm sure she would know by the smile on my face when we got home. She wasn't allowed to know that i was splitting wood either. Or using the chainsaw. No not by myself Dad would have his hands on mine teaching me how too use it properly. Normally though my job was to move brush and load the truck. My Dad loved the woods. He loved being outside in nature and he respected being out there. His cigarette butts always went into his back pocket.
Some of my favorite memories are of us fishing out back of the house. Man we would spend hours out there. There were very few things better than seeing the red and white bobber dunking under water the disapp[earing all the way. "Give it a little tug. Not to hard though if he doesn't have it you'll lose the fish" My Dad was amazing! He would help anybody he could. There are countless stories about him pulling cars out of the ditch on a winters day. I see that quality in both of my brothers. I like to think i have that quality too. Somewhere. I think I'm suppose to be feeling sad but looking back on memories i have a smile on my face. As i have said before my love for baseball comes from him. I use to collect cards. Sports cards such as baseball football etc.. I would look up the value of my cards because back then a card valued at two dollars was a big deal to me. I use to look up old cards he use to have. Mantle Gehrig Ted Williams the list goes on. Some of them were worth a serious amount. Baseball back then was great. I love seeing old footage from back then. It was just a different time and it seems so magical.Almost surreal.
Lately I've realized yes i am sad hes not here anymore but i am so glad to have memories that some people aren't fortunate to have. That's why this year I'm trying to stay upbeat about things. Even though theres a void that will never be filled. He wouldn't want me to be sad and hurting but that's what happens when we lose our hero's and the people we look up too the most. The word hero isn't enough to describe how much i admire him. Everyday i try to fulfill the shoes he left. Hes my motivation st work and in life all together. I don't have any words to express how much he will always mean to me and everyday i carry him in my heart and soul. I hope one day i will have a little boy to teach all the things i can too. And i hope he looks up to me like i look up to my Dad. Everyday i strive to be just like him. I know in my eyes ill never be as great as him but i continue to try. One of the greatest things my Dad would say to me was "Bear I'm proud of you. Thanks for being my son." I just hope he is still proud of me and i hope he knows i really am trying. Someday ill get this right. So on this date June 22 2012 i will try and celebrate the life of my Dad. No tears just smiles and laughter. So Dad thank you for being my hero and being my Dad. You are the most influential person in my world. Thank you for teaching me right from wrong. Thank you for these memories i hold so close to my heart and will treasure forever. Thank you for always having time to play catch or go fishing even though you were tired from work. I love you and miss you everyday. I'm so proud to call you Dad <3 Love always your partner and Bear and here even though the tears are flowing this ones for you :)
Now as time has passed i find myself looking back not with the anger that i have had. I was bitter towards alot of things. I was mad i didn't have my Dad anymore. Mad that he wasn't around anymore. Mad he wouldn't see me graduate high school. Get married and his grand kids wouldn't ever meet him. I just didn't understand why i lost him. I felt alone. Depressed.Sad I mean he was my hero. Superman to me. The man i wanted to be. And all of a sudden he was gone. I had no idea what i was suppose to do. Where to go. What would i do now? He had become my best friend after my Mom had passed away and now he was gone too. I was living with my brother after Dad passed away and i couldn't even stay at my house for longer than 15 minutes at a time. I would just sit in here and cry. I felt so empty without him. If it weren't for my cat Thunder i probably wouldn't have come over here at all. But little by little i was able to come over here more often. And spend more time with Thunder. I have always felt both my parents are still with me if not physically they are here in spirit.
I'm sure like most little boys my Dad taught me so much. I remember learning how to drive. Well i would sit in his lap steering the truck on a dirt road. Everyday i drive down that road i think about that. Then when i was big enough to push the gas pedal he would pull over and let me drive. I wouldn't shift though i was scared i would grind the gears! So i would push the clutch in and he would pull the shifter into second gear. I wasn't allowed to go over 15 miles an hour. But that didn't stop me from asking. And at the end of every drive i would always get told "Now bear don't tell your mom. She worries alot" I'm sure she would know by the smile on my face when we got home. She wasn't allowed to know that i was splitting wood either. Or using the chainsaw. No not by myself Dad would have his hands on mine teaching me how too use it properly. Normally though my job was to move brush and load the truck. My Dad loved the woods. He loved being outside in nature and he respected being out there. His cigarette butts always went into his back pocket.
Some of my favorite memories are of us fishing out back of the house. Man we would spend hours out there. There were very few things better than seeing the red and white bobber dunking under water the disapp[earing all the way. "Give it a little tug. Not to hard though if he doesn't have it you'll lose the fish" My Dad was amazing! He would help anybody he could. There are countless stories about him pulling cars out of the ditch on a winters day. I see that quality in both of my brothers. I like to think i have that quality too. Somewhere. I think I'm suppose to be feeling sad but looking back on memories i have a smile on my face. As i have said before my love for baseball comes from him. I use to collect cards. Sports cards such as baseball football etc.. I would look up the value of my cards because back then a card valued at two dollars was a big deal to me. I use to look up old cards he use to have. Mantle Gehrig Ted Williams the list goes on. Some of them were worth a serious amount. Baseball back then was great. I love seeing old footage from back then. It was just a different time and it seems so magical.Almost surreal.
Lately I've realized yes i am sad hes not here anymore but i am so glad to have memories that some people aren't fortunate to have. That's why this year I'm trying to stay upbeat about things. Even though theres a void that will never be filled. He wouldn't want me to be sad and hurting but that's what happens when we lose our hero's and the people we look up too the most. The word hero isn't enough to describe how much i admire him. Everyday i try to fulfill the shoes he left. Hes my motivation st work and in life all together. I don't have any words to express how much he will always mean to me and everyday i carry him in my heart and soul. I hope one day i will have a little boy to teach all the things i can too. And i hope he looks up to me like i look up to my Dad. Everyday i strive to be just like him. I know in my eyes ill never be as great as him but i continue to try. One of the greatest things my Dad would say to me was "Bear I'm proud of you. Thanks for being my son." I just hope he is still proud of me and i hope he knows i really am trying. Someday ill get this right. So on this date June 22 2012 i will try and celebrate the life of my Dad. No tears just smiles and laughter. So Dad thank you for being my hero and being my Dad. You are the most influential person in my world. Thank you for teaching me right from wrong. Thank you for these memories i hold so close to my heart and will treasure forever. Thank you for always having time to play catch or go fishing even though you were tired from work. I love you and miss you everyday. I'm so proud to call you Dad <3 Love always your partner and Bear and here even though the tears are flowing this ones for you :)
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
todays thoughts..
Hello one and all and all in one. Jeez that made me scratch my head. so here i am and there you are. Reading and writing. I'm not really sure what i wanna write about. In fact you may not even read this. It depends on whether i like the quality of it. I will not let my people read bad writings from my behalf! With this said onto the next.
Man!! It has been hot these last two days! And i am in no way complaining. I love the heat. I don't know why though. I don't mind the cold but id rather have it hot! Today at work the temperature was 104 degrees. Not too shabby huh? And for the first time in my life my shirt was soaked. Literally soaked from sweat that has never happened too me.Maybe all the water is helping or maybe I'm just starting to get older! Ha Ha I have all but kicked diet Pepsi. I still have some now and then but nothing like before. My brother and i are training for our bike ride half way around the lake. It ll be about 23 miles i think it said. We rode 5 today, its kind of hard going out for longer rides when we have to be into work an hour early. But that's okay as long as i can get out on the bike I'm happy with that.
Did you know Dale Junior won Sunday??? ;) I still am smiling about this! Saturday my brothers and i are suppose to be going to the races. Hopefully the weather holds off. I really enjoy spending time with them. You know in the past i use t hate having people know about my parents passing away when i was younger. I hated it because i didn't want people to feel sorry for me. Or be friends with me based on that. Its still the same now but for some reason it doesn't bother me if people know. Maybe its because i know who my friends are and hopefully they accept me for who i am not what has happened to me. I love talking about my parents. Telling stories about memories i have. And unfortunately the 22nd is tomorrow. Cause its after midnight so technically its Thursday.But like i said in previous blogs. i will try and smile even though it ll be hard! Its what my Dad wants. But i will probab find tears at some point this weekend.
I drank my diet Pepsi and now i want another. Too bad i don't have anymore! AHHHH!! Fine water it is. I know this hasn't been one of my better posts and i apologize. I'm kinda saving that for Friday or Saturday. It'll be about my Dad as most of these are. Oh by the way the Yankees ten game win streak came to an end against the Braves. In fact we have lost the last two in a row. I don't know why but lately i am so tired. I sleep very restless and cant make it past six hours.Well i think I'm gonna put this to bed and try and relax for a bit so good night peoples and thank you for reading this mess known as my blog. Stay tuned for more to come and yes it will be better than this one. Good night
Man!! It has been hot these last two days! And i am in no way complaining. I love the heat. I don't know why though. I don't mind the cold but id rather have it hot! Today at work the temperature was 104 degrees. Not too shabby huh? And for the first time in my life my shirt was soaked. Literally soaked from sweat that has never happened too me.Maybe all the water is helping or maybe I'm just starting to get older! Ha Ha I have all but kicked diet Pepsi. I still have some now and then but nothing like before. My brother and i are training for our bike ride half way around the lake. It ll be about 23 miles i think it said. We rode 5 today, its kind of hard going out for longer rides when we have to be into work an hour early. But that's okay as long as i can get out on the bike I'm happy with that.
Did you know Dale Junior won Sunday??? ;) I still am smiling about this! Saturday my brothers and i are suppose to be going to the races. Hopefully the weather holds off. I really enjoy spending time with them. You know in the past i use t hate having people know about my parents passing away when i was younger. I hated it because i didn't want people to feel sorry for me. Or be friends with me based on that. Its still the same now but for some reason it doesn't bother me if people know. Maybe its because i know who my friends are and hopefully they accept me for who i am not what has happened to me. I love talking about my parents. Telling stories about memories i have. And unfortunately the 22nd is tomorrow. Cause its after midnight so technically its Thursday.But like i said in previous blogs. i will try and smile even though it ll be hard! Its what my Dad wants. But i will probab find tears at some point this weekend.
I drank my diet Pepsi and now i want another. Too bad i don't have anymore! AHHHH!! Fine water it is. I know this hasn't been one of my better posts and i apologize. I'm kinda saving that for Friday or Saturday. It'll be about my Dad as most of these are. Oh by the way the Yankees ten game win streak came to an end against the Braves. In fact we have lost the last two in a row. I don't know why but lately i am so tired. I sleep very restless and cant make it past six hours.Well i think I'm gonna put this to bed and try and relax for a bit so good night peoples and thank you for reading this mess known as my blog. Stay tuned for more to come and yes it will be better than this one. Good night
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Fathers day
So this was the 11th year in a row I've "celebrated" Fathers day without my Father. I think of him everyday and have thought about him everyday for the last 11 years. Just shy of twelve which unfortunately falls on the 22nd.
This year though felt a little different. I was upbeat most of the day and busy enough not to sit around and dwell on the fact that while alot of people were giving their Dads gifts or taking him out to breakfast lunch or dinner i wasn't. Instead i was celebrating my brothers birthday. Which i enjoyed. It was his day. And my main goal was to try and make it a good day for him After all it was a father less fathers day for him too. So the early morning of Sunday and i mean around 430 am found me blowing up balloons. My plan was to put them on his deck and in the morning when went to get the paper he'd be greeted by a lot of balloons. 50 to be exact. Well folks this plan kind of failed. You see when it is rather breezy out it tends to make keeping balloons in place rather difficult so my plan was to use tape and hope it would prevent them fro, floating away. When i left the balloons the were moving around the deck but seemed as if they were going to stay and be there to surprise him. When my phone rang around 915 i was greeted with the question of" so how many balloons were there?" Half asleep i replied in my famous sleeping mumble "oh probably....50 i think. yeah. probably 50" "Well when i opened the door and looked there were about 10-15. I had to hunt the rest down. They were in the field across the road. By the creek. out behind the house." "Oh no really?" He started to chuckle "yes really" "well dammit that sucks" as i was still trying to keep myself awake. We chatted for a few more minutes and he asked if i wanted to go on a bike ride. I love riding bikes so my answer is always yes.
We are "training" for a bike ride fund raiser i found online. Its about a 25 mile ride so defiantly need to prepare for it. We rode to the flea market. Then up to the park sat on the bench and watched the people out boating and the people that were onshore fishing. Then we rode through the cemetery and decided to go down the old train tracks came out on honeysette road the rode up plank turned down Lawson road mainly because the race was gonna start soon. Until i received the text stating the race was delayed due to rain. We debated on whether to turn around and go up prospect station or just head home. Head home was the decision so i could finish mowing my yard and we could rearrange the barn. Riding down our road was proving to be a difficult task due to the wind. Yes the same wind that blew the birthday surprise all over the fields.This wind was coming straight at us so it was like riding in the highest gear possible and just made things more difficult. There are a few places were coasting should occur but not this day. We made it home and i ended up buying him a birthday sub from the corner deli and as we finished eating the race finally started but i could keep watching i had to finish the yard.
Dale junior seemed to be having a pretty strong run. And i was being optimistic as i always was but today felt different. Something felt right. Maybe today was the day the drought would end and maybe the dream i had was a premonition of what was gonna happen. We were in the barn moving things around and of course i had the race on my phone. What? I cant help it! I'm a sports junkie..OK? At least i admit it. The laps were winding down 60 to go Junior was still running strong. 143 races since his last win. Which came 4 years and two ago at this track. Stewart was also showing a strong hand and was giving Junior a run for the lead. I was already starting to pace. Trying to hurry up and get in the house so i could watch the end of the race. I finally got in and Rick was off to wash his truck. Which means it was gonna rain because that's what happens when he washes his truck.(and yes it ended up raining later that night) Meanwhile Junior was leading going into the final pit stop. "Come on 88 guys we need a great stop here" i said to the TV. We were in first and after all the pit stops had cycled through we were still leading!! And to make it better our lead was growing! Eventually it grew to 5 seconds over second place. Man Junior was beating them good! I was hoping and praying there wouldn't be a caution. There wouldn't be any problems for the 88 car. No tire issues the engine would hold together. All these things were going through my head. We have been so close these past four years something was bound to happen and screw this up again!
inside ten laps to go still over a 5 second lead. I was so nervous my hands were shaking as i cupped my mouth and interlocked my fingers. Praying and pleading. Please please please!!! "Come on Junior. Please win this please" Almost as if he could hear me. Inside 5 laps to go and i could barely contain myself. In fact i was doing a lap count down on my facebook page just to stay occupied.4 laps to go..3 laps to go i was still shaking. I had never shook so much in my life. This would mean so much to me. He has to win on Fathers day! As he took the white flag the only way he would lose now is if he spun out or the engine blows up or whatever else could have happened. I'm pretty sure i held my breath for the last lap. Coming around turn four and taking the checkered flag!!! "YES YES WAHOOOOOOOO" "YES HAHAHA HELL YEAH" "WOOOOOOOOO " JUNIOR!!!!!" The emotions were pouring out i was so damn happy!!! Four years man four years! That's a long damn time to wait and he won he finally won! I had to call Rick and i got his voicemail but apparently a loud excited voice was too much and the voicemail couldn't understand me. I cant even explain how happy this made me. Ive said this in previous blogs and ill say it here i relate to Junior in so many ways and for him to win on fathers day was very exciting for me.
Rick called me and all i could do was cheer loudly in his ear! He got home and i greeted him in the driveway with cheering. Hooting and hollering! This was huge! As i watched his interviewed he seemed different. I don't know how to explain it, I don't know if he was relived or kinda sad because he didn't have his Dad there to celebrate with. But he just seemed more...mature almost like the win less streak had taken a huge toll on him. And i mean lets be honest here. This is Dale Junior. The pressure put on this mans shoulders has to be overwhelming. A daily comparison to his Dad and the expectations are probably unimaginable. Hes been NASCARs most popular driver for like 10 years in a row. And to be expected to win and not win in143 races must have been horribly unbearable for this guy. Its kind of amazing how one guy can create such raw emotions by winning a race. I read a few comments on facebook and I'm glad I'm not the only one who shed tears over this win. Its like we want Junior to win so bad that when he doesn't its like we don't either. Almost like we can feel the disappointment.Almost like a part of us is riding in that car. And the win less streak was a along and agonizing deal. Junior nation knows how bad Junior wanted to win and we wanted it just as bad for our favorite driver.
NASCAR isn't like any other sport. I hate when people say "They just drive around in a circle" Then go tell a golfer he just hits a ball into a cup. Theres so much more to it. And i wont go into details but these guys are driving 150 miles an hour around 42 other cars. It takes alot of talent to do this job. Its not like everyday driving jump in the car and go. Theres a technical side to it. AS a fan we understand it. We also know theres no guarantee our driver will win another race again. 143 races 4 years is a long time to wait, watch, hope and pray that maybe this race will be the one we finally can celebrate. And finally Junior nation can finally celebrate. And maybe Dale Junior and i can finally smile on Fathers day....
This year though felt a little different. I was upbeat most of the day and busy enough not to sit around and dwell on the fact that while alot of people were giving their Dads gifts or taking him out to breakfast lunch or dinner i wasn't. Instead i was celebrating my brothers birthday. Which i enjoyed. It was his day. And my main goal was to try and make it a good day for him After all it was a father less fathers day for him too. So the early morning of Sunday and i mean around 430 am found me blowing up balloons. My plan was to put them on his deck and in the morning when went to get the paper he'd be greeted by a lot of balloons. 50 to be exact. Well folks this plan kind of failed. You see when it is rather breezy out it tends to make keeping balloons in place rather difficult so my plan was to use tape and hope it would prevent them fro, floating away. When i left the balloons the were moving around the deck but seemed as if they were going to stay and be there to surprise him. When my phone rang around 915 i was greeted with the question of" so how many balloons were there?" Half asleep i replied in my famous sleeping mumble "oh probably....50 i think. yeah. probably 50" "Well when i opened the door and looked there were about 10-15. I had to hunt the rest down. They were in the field across the road. By the creek. out behind the house." "Oh no really?" He started to chuckle "yes really" "well dammit that sucks" as i was still trying to keep myself awake. We chatted for a few more minutes and he asked if i wanted to go on a bike ride. I love riding bikes so my answer is always yes.
We are "training" for a bike ride fund raiser i found online. Its about a 25 mile ride so defiantly need to prepare for it. We rode to the flea market. Then up to the park sat on the bench and watched the people out boating and the people that were onshore fishing. Then we rode through the cemetery and decided to go down the old train tracks came out on honeysette road the rode up plank turned down Lawson road mainly because the race was gonna start soon. Until i received the text stating the race was delayed due to rain. We debated on whether to turn around and go up prospect station or just head home. Head home was the decision so i could finish mowing my yard and we could rearrange the barn. Riding down our road was proving to be a difficult task due to the wind. Yes the same wind that blew the birthday surprise all over the fields.This wind was coming straight at us so it was like riding in the highest gear possible and just made things more difficult. There are a few places were coasting should occur but not this day. We made it home and i ended up buying him a birthday sub from the corner deli and as we finished eating the race finally started but i could keep watching i had to finish the yard.
Dale junior seemed to be having a pretty strong run. And i was being optimistic as i always was but today felt different. Something felt right. Maybe today was the day the drought would end and maybe the dream i had was a premonition of what was gonna happen. We were in the barn moving things around and of course i had the race on my phone. What? I cant help it! I'm a sports junkie..OK? At least i admit it. The laps were winding down 60 to go Junior was still running strong. 143 races since his last win. Which came 4 years and two ago at this track. Stewart was also showing a strong hand and was giving Junior a run for the lead. I was already starting to pace. Trying to hurry up and get in the house so i could watch the end of the race. I finally got in and Rick was off to wash his truck. Which means it was gonna rain because that's what happens when he washes his truck.(and yes it ended up raining later that night) Meanwhile Junior was leading going into the final pit stop. "Come on 88 guys we need a great stop here" i said to the TV. We were in first and after all the pit stops had cycled through we were still leading!! And to make it better our lead was growing! Eventually it grew to 5 seconds over second place. Man Junior was beating them good! I was hoping and praying there wouldn't be a caution. There wouldn't be any problems for the 88 car. No tire issues the engine would hold together. All these things were going through my head. We have been so close these past four years something was bound to happen and screw this up again!
inside ten laps to go still over a 5 second lead. I was so nervous my hands were shaking as i cupped my mouth and interlocked my fingers. Praying and pleading. Please please please!!! "Come on Junior. Please win this please" Almost as if he could hear me. Inside 5 laps to go and i could barely contain myself. In fact i was doing a lap count down on my facebook page just to stay occupied.4 laps to go..3 laps to go i was still shaking. I had never shook so much in my life. This would mean so much to me. He has to win on Fathers day! As he took the white flag the only way he would lose now is if he spun out or the engine blows up or whatever else could have happened. I'm pretty sure i held my breath for the last lap. Coming around turn four and taking the checkered flag!!! "YES YES WAHOOOOOOOO" "YES HAHAHA HELL YEAH" "WOOOOOOOOO " JUNIOR!!!!!" The emotions were pouring out i was so damn happy!!! Four years man four years! That's a long damn time to wait and he won he finally won! I had to call Rick and i got his voicemail but apparently a loud excited voice was too much and the voicemail couldn't understand me. I cant even explain how happy this made me. Ive said this in previous blogs and ill say it here i relate to Junior in so many ways and for him to win on fathers day was very exciting for me.
Rick called me and all i could do was cheer loudly in his ear! He got home and i greeted him in the driveway with cheering. Hooting and hollering! This was huge! As i watched his interviewed he seemed different. I don't know how to explain it, I don't know if he was relived or kinda sad because he didn't have his Dad there to celebrate with. But he just seemed more...mature almost like the win less streak had taken a huge toll on him. And i mean lets be honest here. This is Dale Junior. The pressure put on this mans shoulders has to be overwhelming. A daily comparison to his Dad and the expectations are probably unimaginable. Hes been NASCARs most popular driver for like 10 years in a row. And to be expected to win and not win in143 races must have been horribly unbearable for this guy. Its kind of amazing how one guy can create such raw emotions by winning a race. I read a few comments on facebook and I'm glad I'm not the only one who shed tears over this win. Its like we want Junior to win so bad that when he doesn't its like we don't either. Almost like we can feel the disappointment.Almost like a part of us is riding in that car. And the win less streak was a along and agonizing deal. Junior nation knows how bad Junior wanted to win and we wanted it just as bad for our favorite driver.
NASCAR isn't like any other sport. I hate when people say "They just drive around in a circle" Then go tell a golfer he just hits a ball into a cup. Theres so much more to it. And i wont go into details but these guys are driving 150 miles an hour around 42 other cars. It takes alot of talent to do this job. Its not like everyday driving jump in the car and go. Theres a technical side to it. AS a fan we understand it. We also know theres no guarantee our driver will win another race again. 143 races 4 years is a long time to wait, watch, hope and pray that maybe this race will be the one we finally can celebrate. And finally Junior nation can finally celebrate. And maybe Dale Junior and i can finally smile on Fathers day....
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