Monday, March 26, 2012

Ever..

You ever look at your life and say what the hell am I doin? Why am I still in the same spot seemingly as I was 10 years ago. I finally found the most amazing girl in the world and yet I still have to wait. And the way my past goes she will leave too like all the others. Maybe she will be the one that really means it. Right now I'm getting so many mixed signals that it's making my head spin every single direction. But I know if we stand a chance she needs to figure "things" out. Meanwhile I try and act okay but wearing my heart on my sleeve prevents that from happening. This is stupid but I really wish I could go back in time. People say just start now but its hard because my last haunts me every day. I don't know why. Its like my demons just have a grip in my ankle and they no matter how hard I kick them and how fast I run they always catch me. I wonder why I don't have a wife and kids and "that life" it seems to easy to be able to accept this as my destiny. I believe everything happens for a reason but these reasons ill prolly never know or understand. I need a hobby but hell I don't even know where to start or to even look. My passion is sports but I don't know where to find others. Krystal has crafts which looks really interesting but I wouldn't know where to start or if I'd stick with it. I'd like to join a gym but I'm not sure I'd stay motivated enough or if it'd just become a routine.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Insecurr

Ibgurss when it cones right down to it I'm insecure. Have a complex that I'm not good enough. No matter how great I say I am. I don't believe it. Seemingly everytime I think I'm heading towards my happiness. Finally gonna be happy and havecthe life I so covent it gets screwed up. To hear the words I just need time is like a knife to my heart even though I know you need it. I've heard it before and well needing time leads me to being alone. I'm scared to lose you because how amazing you make me feel. Nobody has ever made me feel this way so hell yeah I'm scared. I should be right? Who wouldn't be? I don't wanna be alone. I hate being alone its all ice known and its a fear that I will end up alone. Kinda stupid I suppose but its real for me. I guess I'm scared to say out loud what my mind us thinking fircfear of making it real. Like if I don't say it. It won't happen. I know its been about 2 months but in these 2 months I've never experienced the happiness that I have with you!

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Things

Why do teams wear green jerseys on St. Patty's day? I mean they are ugly as hell! Why don't they wear orange on Halloween? Or brown on Thanksgiving. Red white and blue on the 4th. Maybe I'm just in a rather foul mood. This is all because the Bulls game is on and they are wearing green jerseys. Reminds me of the Celtics. Jeez I don't think the Bulls have scored since I started watching...okay there we go. 81-77 Bulls up on the 76ers. Sometimes I wonder why people don't ask if I'm okay. Just knowing they care would be nice. Metallica ringtone just notified me the sabres lost. In a shootout. 3-2. Ugh! Shit bothers me. Shaking my damn head :(

So heres to something different. The spelling will be messed up at times due to.my lack of proof reading but you will be okay i promise! There will be foul language and such but ill try and keep it to a minimum. Im sure this would be alot easier on a computer but seens i live in the middle of nowhere and have yet to find high speed internet im doin this live via my droid x 2. Yes it has to be high speed cause i wanna play my ps3 online so regular net wont work. Man and woman i got so much shit on my mind lately gonna drive me effing crazy!