You ever look at your life and say what the hell am I doin? Why am I still in the same spot seemingly as I was 10 years ago. I finally found the most amazing girl in the world and yet I still have to wait. And the way my past goes she will leave too like all the others. Maybe she will be the one that really means it. Right now I'm getting so many mixed signals that it's making my head spin every single direction. But I know if we stand a chance she needs to figure "things" out. Meanwhile I try and act okay but wearing my heart on my sleeve prevents that from happening. This is stupid but I really wish I could go back in time. People say just start now but its hard because my last haunts me every day. I don't know why. Its like my demons just have a grip in my ankle and they no matter how hard I kick them and how fast I run they always catch me. I wonder why I don't have a wife and kids and "that life" it seems to easy to be able to accept this as my destiny. I believe everything happens for a reason but these reasons ill prolly never know or understand. I need a hobby but hell I don't even know where to start or to even look. My passion is sports but I don't know where to find others. Krystal has crafts which looks really interesting but I wouldn't know where to start or if I'd stick with it. I'd like to join a gym but I'm not sure I'd stay motivated enough or if it'd just become a routine.
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