happy 50th blog!!!

      Hello everybody and Merry Christmas and if that offends you then I'm sorry. So  its been awhile since i have blogged last. Work has been crazy lately and all my free time is spent with the love of my life!!! She is just amazing and she makes me beyond happy! Happier than i have ever thought possible! insert smiley face.
     So tis the season and i can honestly say i cant believe Christmas is in three days! Surprise I'm not ready but i will get it all finished. Its the season for miracles and magic. This is the first year I'm have been really happy. Christmas is typically a hard time for me but this year was/is different. No I'm not running around singing carols but I'm upbeat and just yay!!!!! Theres something different about her. She treats me the way i deserve and the way i have always wanted. Shes caring and so loving and is amazing. Sadly amazing isn't the proper word. There isn't a word to explain her or how i feel. I have always dreamed about finding a girl like her and honestly didn't believe a woman of my dreams could exist but she does and i have finally found her! I couldn't be happier and things will only get better if that's possible. When you read this I love you honey!
     So its a pretty important weekend for my fantasy football teams. Both teams are in the championship game!!! First time ever!! Yes i know its just for fun but it'd be pretty cool to me. Sadly the Bills aren't gonna make the playoffs again this year. Are you surprised?? Yeah neither am i. As a typical Bills fan would say "Maybe next year" On a great note though they resigned a new lease. Meaning they are staying in Buffalo for at least 7 years. But its for 10 years. The Yankees off season has been really quiet this year. To my disappointment. I want us to sign the best players but they are in a saving money mode and I'm stuck grumbling about it. We really need to start building up the farm team and it needs to happen soon. Our superstars are really getting older and wont be playing much longer. If only they would let me run the team. I think we will still be a playoff team but this year will be really difficult.
     Is it possible to wake everyday and know that all your hopes and dreams are becoming a reality?  I ask myself everyday when i wake up if this is real. Almost afraid that I'm dreaming. But I'm not this is real! And I'm with an amazing woman who loves me for me. And all my little quarks that make me well me. She really is the most amazing woman ever! I am truly honored and blessed to hold her hand and be by her side. My dreams always seemed impossible and so far away but because of her they are becoming real. I only hope to continue down this path of happiness and with each passing day it will only get better and together our hopes and dreams will become our reality

thankful for...

   Hello everybody! I hope you all are doing well. I'm doing pretty good. Looking forward to the holidays and spending time with family and friends. And relaxing!! So who's ready for Black Friday??? Yeah buddy! This guy is. Well actually Thursday shopping. As far as i know that maybe the only shopping i do on the most hectic day of the year. I am anxiously waiting. Even counting down the days. I just want a new PlayStation! Is that too much to ask?? And a new TV. and maybe a game or two. And a few movies. And...jeans. That's it i think. For now. LMAO! Oh and if i do get a new TV then I'm gonna need a new TV stand. Which i can already for see as an adventure. I'm really particular about things like this. In fact after i bought my current TV stand and had it put together i decided i didn't like it.  And if you ever have the experience of shoe shopping with me. Just be prepared. Fair warning. And yes i am i guy. Anyway i think I've rambled on long enough. Oh one more thing that should make a few of you chuckle. When i type i stare at my key board, i look up after i finish a sentence and reread it. I saw i made a spelling error. I raised my finger to touch my screen to highlight the error...like i do with my smart phone....Enjoy the blog.
     So this month on Facebook people are posting daily things they are thankful for. Well i like that idea but lets be honest I'm not on there enough to keep up with that, So here it is. This isn't on any specific order so don't give me any grief. First and foremost i am forever grateful for my parents. Granted they are in heaven but i still am grateful for them. They have shaped me into the person i am today. And they continue to inspire me daily. And i draw my strength from them and still believe they are the greatest parents in heaven or on earth. I'm thankful for my family. It maybe small but i know i can count on them day or night. They love and support me no matter what. Ive made dumb decisions and yet they still support me. Yes i know that's what family is for but, i appreciate it beyond words. My friends most of you are like family to me. And i consider you as my extended family.  You are there for me day and night. Mostly night right Erik? Time moves so fast and theres alot of times people lose touch with their friends. It has happened to me but my core friends are still here with me and for that i am truly thankful. Ive had so rough times and you guys were there for me and even when i didn't want/ need advice its nice knowing your all there.
    I thankful that I'm a healthy guy. Capable of moving freely throughout my day. Yes i have aches and pains but it could be alot worse. I take for granted that i have the ability to get myself in better shape but i just don't take the time to do so and hopefully i will start because i only have this body and i need to take better care of it. My cat Rocket, Hes like my kid. He is always here greeting me at the door when i get home. Keeps me company when I'm lonely and is a pain in the butt when he wants attention. But hes always a step behind me. Hes a pretty amazing cat. And unfortunately for him he gets to hear alot of my rants. But he doesn't seem to mind and he even seems to have answers sometimes. Now you all think I'm crazy. My job. Ive been there 5 years now and I'm so proud of that fact. My Dad was at his job 40 years, I have a ways to go but its my goal. I am blessed to have a job to go to on a daily basis. Somedays i don't wanna be there and my schedule is hectic but I'm thankful they gave me the opportunity. I complain but hey we all do.
    This part maybe a little silly but its me. I'm thankful for sports. Man where would i be without the Yankees? Or NASCAR? My dream was to play ball for the Yanks but it didn't work out. I love sports and well theres a point that was all i had so i buried myself in it. I get one month off a year from following my teams and sports. This world. Yes its scary and theres alot of bad in it but id like to think i have found a happy place. And have found my own little piece of heaven. I work daily to make needed adjustments but its a work in progress.
   To all of our troops. Past, Present and future. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart! Your daily sacrifice deserves more than a simple thank you. This is all i can offer, Its for your sacrifice that allows me to sit here and type this using my own words, I have the utmost respect for all of you. I have hopes and dreams. Goals for myself and for my life and without any of you i wouldn't be able to pursue these hopes and dreams. I salute each and everyone of you. Thank you for all that you do May all of you have a safe and happy Thanksgiving. To anybody who has had an influences in my world i thank you. In some way you have taught me a lesson. In some way i have learned from you. Im a;so thankful for my future and all it holds. Good and bad. The oppurtunities that i will have. The conversations and memories that will be made. The laughs. The tears Im gonna be thankful for all of it.
    Everybody have a great Holiday and if you go shopping black Friday remember your manners we are all there for the same reason. Theres no reason to be ignorant to each other. Thank you all for reading my blog. Stay tuned for more :)

a quick thought here

   Hey everybody! Hope this finds you all safe and sound to whatever extent is possible. So as you all know the East Coast was hit by Hurricane Sandy.  Well maybe you don't. Just wanted to take a second and send my thoughts and prayers to all those effected by this tragedy. I know it doesn't help clean up or fix anything but its really heart felt from me. Hopefully the clean up goes fast . We got wind and rain here not much damage. The bridge flooded but that was about it. Hopefully those who are able to help can and will. Even a small donation will help. These people have lost all of their possessions and homes and some even lost loved ones. Now i know money cant bring anybody back from the dead. And i am no way saying money is more important but it would help the red cross and other efforts. Please keep in mind that its November and the days and nights are getting colder so any blankets or warmer clothes would be appreciated too. Thank you for your time and thanks for your support.  And remember someday you may need a helping hand. Wouldn't it be nice to know there are people out there willing to help?

I am nothing

        Im not real.Like a land of giants or mythalogicakl creatures created in someones imagination. Only brought to life by the readers imagination.Im that space you try to fill. The reason the object wont fit where you want it too. I wont allow this to happen. Because i take up that space. That moment in between the seconds that click on the hands of a clock just before the hands move. Im the space being pushed forward by the hands of time. The air in a room you cant see but everyone knows im there. You think you know but you have no idea. Im the reasons you have and need to proceed your daily routines. That voice you almost think you hear or the shadow you swear you saw. It wasnt real it was me. Do you understand this? No you dont and you cant, I wont let you understand. The part of your brain that allows your thoughts is me. When you react in any form. Happy. Sad, Mad Indifferent. anything you feel.

What would it take?

What would it take to make you mine? Would it take money? Is that a factor? How much I make? Is that the cost to gave you? What would it take? Love? Unconditional love the kind you only dream of. What if I made it a reality? Looks? Are my looks enough to get the attention of yours I crave? Or am I ugly in your eyes only to get a first glance and nothing more? What would it tale to have a chance with you? What happens if that chance you take turns into a life of happiness? Would you regret not taking it? Given the chance to know me would you accept it and know the true me? The guy behind the mask and walls I wear to protect this heart of mine. I'm a complicated creature this comes with the man I am. What if I could make you laugh and smile? Is that enough to woo you? Or does there have to be more? How much more? What happens if all I have is love? Nothing more to give. If times get rough will you stay? Will you fight with me to move forward or pack up and run far away? If I swore by the stars and the moon in the night sky are you convinced? Are the words enough? The hours at work to give us the life we want is it enough? The time lost we spend apart would ot change your heart? Or does distance make your heart fonder? I ask because I wanna know. How can I have a chance with you if you fail to see the real me? How much of a chance do I have? A day? A week? A year? Would trips keep you happy or are the miles in our town enough to keep your heart from roaming outside the city line? Do you need to see the world just to see your my world?

The trend continues...

        Hey everybody!!! Okay, i know its been while. Along while but in my defense I've been working alot of hours and doing six days a week. I know that's no excuse for my loyal followers. Both of you. No joke theres only two of you. Thanks Casper and Eros. I had a blog written and then poof it disappeared and man i was pissed cause it was really decent!
      Tonight I'm gonna talk about football. This may be a boring subject but i have to vent about my team. The dare i say it? The Bills...stop laughing!!! As i sit here typing this blog I'm still wearing my blue Bills hoodie. Why? Because its cold in here.LOL! Ive been a Bills fan since i can remember way before the infamous kick. That sent me into tears. Give me a break i was 8 years old. Little did i know the pain of that wide right game losing field goal would still send chills down our spines so many years later. I forgive you Scott Norwood. Then the following three seasons resulted in yes more loses in the biggest games of the year. But no other team has made it to 4 straight super bowls. Yes we lost but that's irrelevant. Since then its been a mess up in Buffalo. We haven't made the playoffs since 99 which we lost on the "music city miracle" Once again irrelevant at this point. I don't even know where to start i really want to just blast the hell out of this team and the players. But that would not make me a real fan. Then you can say "oh you're a band wagon fan" and "Win or lose stand by your team" And i do stand by my team. I love this team and dammit as a loyal fan i deserve a team i can cheer about. Not just for one half of football but for an entire season. And into the playoffs. Yes i said playoffs.
    So today we played the Patriots, The superior team in the AFC east for the last oh seems like 100 years. Man I'm tired of the Patriots. I dont know if anybody watched this game today but at one point we were winning 21-7 and then the wheels fell off and our awesome quarterback decided to throw interceptions. And the next thing i know its 52-28. I was a believer in Fitz but after today's game I'm no longer a fan. He stinks!!! We need to seriously seek a real franchise guy. We have so talented running backs. We lack the big play receivers . Yes we have Stevie Johnson but i feel hes selfish. If the plays not to him then it seems he gives up. Of course he resigned with Buffalo. There hes a number 1 receiver theres maybe 5 teams he is a number 1. We have the tools but dammit its just not working on that side of the ball.
   Now defense.....Okay people are blasting us for spending 100 million on Mario Williams. Let me say this i said this back when we were trying to sign him. I dont care if he stands there and doesn't tackle anybody  just the idea we went out and spent the money on a guy is awesome. Before him i dare say the biggest signing was T,O and to an extent Bledsoe.Before he got hurt last season Williams was a monster with the Texans! So give the guy time he will get better, Still a new team and new defense scheme. I think we have a good defense we just need a little more experience. The D was getting blasted for giving us so many rushing yards two players over 100 yards but they were on the field forever in the second half. That's what happens when the QB turns the ball over so damn much! Am i throwing Fitz under the bus? Hell yeah i am! 350 yards 4 touchdowns oh and 4 interceptions. Yes its the QBs fault.
    Ill be a Bills fan til the day i die. But i am worried about this franchise staying in Buffalo. I have read articles that they are one of a few teams that may head to L.A. And speaking of L.A they have approved the building of a new stadium. I will no longer have a team if they move. Sundays will no longer be football days. Why wont i cheer for the team in L.A? simple they aren't an hour from home. I wont relate with my "hometown team" How many Cleveland Browns fan like the Baltimore Ravens? i hear crickets....See? That's my point. I hope they dont ever leave but lets be honest people are getting tired of losing year in and year out. Our owner is getting up there in age and all word is his kids aren't interested in taking over the team. However i have hope that maybe some old players like Jim Kelly and Thurman Thomas may lead a group and keep our Bills where they belong in Buffalo!!! We really do need a better QB or he needs to get his head out of his ass and play like he did at the beginning of last year! If we plan on making the playoffs then we need to be able to close out games against tough opponents like the Patriots, Next up San Fran. Great! That ll be a fun game. Ass whopping coming our way! I know way to be a fan. Well I'm frustrated as hell! Well I've let this go on long enough! Someday we as a Bills nation will be able to celebrate and make the playoffs and maybe someday someway we will be playing in the super bowl again...Stop laughing at me!!!
;)  and as always go BILLS!!!!

end of summer 2012

   Hello one and all and all and one. Yes that makes sense....anyway. So how was everyones labor day weekend?Mine was rather uneventful. Strange because at one point Sunday night i found myself cheering for Jeff Gordon to win the race. Okay not too strange for starters hes my brothers driver and i really would like to see all four team cars in the chase so i will be cheering for Jr this weekend but i hope Jeff at least finishes good enough to make the chase.
     Okay so its not officially over but to me when September rolls around and football starts along with school then summer is over. It was a relatively decent summer for me. Work was slower than usual which obviously lead to lack of money but i survived as i always find a way to do. As with every summer there were things i didn't do that i wanted too. Such as going to a Yankees game. Going to Lake Erie Speedway or a Jammers game jeez i didn't even go to Waldermeer either. I did however find myself at the lake alot. Watched a few sunsets and walked the beaches a few times too. Something about the lake is just i don't know peaceful. One of life's little treasures. Defiantly have to say the highlight was going to Watkins Glen!!! Man that is an experience of a lifetime! Although Junior didn't finish well it was still awesome! I cant wait to go again next year i hope!! And hopefully ill be sporting some 88 championship gear!!!
    I didn't hang out with friends as much as i would have liked but the time  we spent together was as always good times were had by all. Oh i actually  went to the fair this year too. Haven't done that in a few years. Time just seems to be going faster and faster ever year. Days just fly by with no slowing down. I'm going to be 31 in a few weeks already. Like seriously. As i always seem to be doing I'm trying to improve aspects of my life. Theres so many things i wanna fix and its all at the same time i don't know where to start so i try to do them all at once and well it wears me out and i stop doing them all. I don't know where i lost my motivation in myself but dammit i really need to figure something out.Steady hours at work would be a help. hopefully it'll get better.
   A look forward. So fall is approaching and that means cooler weather. Falling leaves. pumpkin pies and the evil s word. But with every season its kind of a like a new start. I mean yeah with 6 feet of snow on the ground it kinda prevents a walk on the beach but it means skiing. I'm kind of hoping with this winter i can really focus on the areas i wanna fix.And it will be kind of easier because while there are things to do but not as much. I can only go so far into the yard before i walk into a snow bank. But hopefully that's a few months away but i have my doubts.
   One of my favorite things about football season is fantasy football!!I enjoy playing and i will give myself an ulcer arranging and rearranging my teams around ten times a week. okay I'm not that bad but it seems like it sometimes. I have two teams on Yahoo. Didn't get all the players i wanted but i think ill be okay. As long as my guys stay healthy and well as the past few seasons have proven I'm the regular season champ! Come playoff time i lose and lose bad. Last year i lost all the playoff games. Yup not bad. Ha ha. Id run through my lineup but don't really want too right now. Maybe this year the Bills and i will turn our luck around. I want them in the playoffs and i want to win the fantasy football championship!!! Ill take the top three though. Would really like to make it to a game this year but it looks doubtful this year. Id really like to go to the Thursday night game. That would be awesome.
   I have the TV on CNN and no i really don't have an affiliation so, they are running a special on Barack Obama. I don't follow politics close enough to know any of it, Its all someones opinion anyway. Waiting for American Choppers to re air so i can watch that. Well ill talk to you all another time. Gonna be a long shift tomorrow at work. Thanks for reading. Stay safe goodnight.

its been awhile..

   Hello everyone!! Yes im still around! Its been kind of hectic since i went back to work. Crazy hours. Long nights and by the time i get home im too tired to even think of anything but sleeping. So how is everyone? speak up i cant hear you!! Well its already labor day weekenf so i guess this means summers over well unofficially but to me when football starts it means back to school.
    So i have to confess dropping a boulder on my toe wasnt the smartest of ideas. Number one it hurt really bad. Number two walking was a bitch! I looked like i was an old man hobbling through work. Yes i still went to work! Man i havent been in pain like that in awhile. It still hurts but probably only because im waering steel toed shoes now. Haha yes i know a little too late but better late than never. Well let me correct myself here. My brother and i were moving these stupid boulders from the side yard using the trailor he has to haul various items with. This trailor has a latch that is suppose to well latch. We had one boulder in and because i wanted to get in the house and start cooking dinner i was in a hurry so famous last words lets just haul em both now. Yes for the record he said we should make a third trip. So as we get the second one on BOOM! instant pain as i yanked my shoe and foot from under this gosh dang boulder!!! To the ground i went as i sat there saying a chouce word or two i was kind of scared to take my shoe off. Oh my gosh it really hurt and thats beyond mild.My brother asked if i wanted to go to the hospital which i literally laughed at him and said no im okay. Somehow as i sat on the ground i think he knew i was lying well trying to be a tough guy. He said "thats it were done for the night' " Nope not yet we gotta move the last ones" So i got to my feet and in my head i was, and this is the gods honest truth as i sit here typing this, i thought about Triple H finishing the match after he tore his quad the first time. Honest to god i did! So i finished moving the boulders and went in the house and iced my toe. That night i slept like crap! All i could feel was my toe throbbing. Ugh!! Like i said work the next few days were a challenge but i survived it and its been almost two weeks now. I have yet to lose my toe nail and im really hoping it doesnt happen. Im pretty leary of smashing my toe on things so im really cautious about it. Id post a picture of it but im not sure yall would care to see my hurt toe.
     So whos excited for football to start?? Iam probably more excited for fantasy football than real football. I have two teams both on yahoo. Im sure i will ramble and tell you guys all about it as the season goes on. I think one of my teams is better than the other but we will see. I am as i call myself the regular season king but come playoffs. I choke! Who knows maybe just maybe this will be the year. And hey we are all undefeated at the start of the season. The Bills have fastly improved their defense and hopefully we will finally make the playoffs. I dont care if we lose in the first round i just wanna make the playoffs. Its been a long time Lets see...99? i think.  Anyway as evryone has said the offense depends on Fitzpatrick. I agree to this and we have to hope the injury bug skips us this year. I thnk we can at least finish second behind the Patriots in the division. No i dont have a super bowl prediction i tend to stay away from things like that. We can have a solid year though. Its getting to get busy in sports for me. Nascar is starting the chase in two weeks and i can FINALLY say DALE JUNIOR WILL RACE FOR THE CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!! This really makes me happy! Hell even if we dont win it at least we can say this year counted. I still say Jimmie Johnson is the guy to beat and We will finish 3rd in points. And i think next year we will be a real threat for the title! I will probably die on the spot if Junior wins the championship, Oh my gosh you have no idea how estatic i will be!!
   I havent talked about the Yankees yet and we are currently struggling pretty badly. Injuries are starting to catch up to us and so is age. I hate to say this but we really need some yunger talent on this team. I dare not say rebuild yet but its probably on the horizon. I can say and it brings a huge smile to my face to report the red sux lost tonight 20-2 hahahahaha thats great! They have collapsed again this seasom and Bobby Valentine wont be manager next year i can almost guarentee that. Well im gonna close this down tonight. Thanks for reading. And i will try to write more ive had some ideas but just not much time and wasnt really sure where i would go with the ideas i did have. Well good night everyone Go 88 and Bills and  Yankees!!!!
  

changes

    Its so amazing how much things change. Even just a little. Most of the times we don't even realize it has happened. And I'm not talking about the Tupac song. Ive been doing alot of thinking and reflecting over the past few days. Forgive me I'm a very nostalgic guy. I noticed it alot tonight when i was hanging with my buddy Erik. We were at Denny's and i realized i didn't recognize a single employee. This may not sound like much to any of you but there was a time we would walk in there didn't have to tell the waitress our drink order because she knew. And we always got the same table just because they knew. Hell sometimes we didn't even have to say what we wanted just simply say " the usual" Its rare nowadays to be able to do that. Unless of course you eat at a local restaurant like a mom and pop spot.
    When i got home i looked at my brothers place and thought it looks the same but so much has changed. Then i looked at my place and thought the same thing. People come and go in our lives. We are fortunate to find and keep friends. I can name at least ten people who i never thought id lose contact with and yet they aren't around anymore. Its kind of sad and this always makes me wonder why these people were brought into our lives at that time and what purpose they may have served us.
What can cause a relationship to cease to exist? Why do things have to change? Everything changes even if we don't notice it because it takes years. Think about the shore of a lake. It may always look the same but its slowly being eroded by the water. What makes our lives change? For better or worse?Why can a person come into our lives become a friend then lose contact after awhile? I understand life gets busy but for it to change that drastically. They say nothing is forever and that's so true. People change,times change, places change.I can look at Erik and my friendship and say its different than it was even just a year ago. Not in a bad way, We both have grown in different aspects.We aren't the same rambunctious guys.
    We cant really stop things from changing it happens. Its part of life and part of human nature. So many things factor into it. The death of a loved one, losing my Dad has been one of the hardest things i still deal with every day.Tonight driving home i started to miss him badly. I wonder how things would be different if he were still here.Losing a girlfriend or boyfriend can cause changes for a person after awhile you just get use to having that person there for comfort and having somebody to talk to.  I mean i can sit here and list a bunch of things but i wont. What causes a person to choose the path they take? I mean we all could have done something different with our lives had we made different choices. I was looking at the night sky earlier and it occurred to me this doesn't stop. The cycle of life will continue day in and day out.The things i don't see at night when I'm working such as the sunset or the warm breeze i have to take time and experience when I'm not at work. Tonight people were having fun, fighting, laughing, crying, etc etc but we will wake up tomorrow, God willing, and do it over again. But the one constant is the sun will rise and set the darkness of night will cover our sky like a blanket regardless of what happens with us or what changes occur.
    I don't wanna say i hate changes. But i sure do miss when life was so much more simpler. I took for granted all the things i got use too. My friends.Going places with them seeing the same people all the time. I miss those things now that i seemed to take for granted. Well not really for granted but i didn't take the time then to appreciate them like i do now. Even if they went back to that way in the future it wouldn't be the same. Mainly because of the changes we have all gone through as individuals. Sadly those things we will never get back. Instead they have become memories we share with others. Thoughts we laugh at when we are talking about the old days. This is kind of weird to think about and its probably because i look at things differently and really try to take on different perspectives. Next time you are somewhere say Applebees think about all the people that have been at that restaurant over the years. All the stories that have been told inside that building. All those stories the people have lived. The building is just a building but theres so much more to it than that. Yes  i know I'm probably crazy but its just a different way to look at things.
     Thank you for reading this kind of long post. And I'm sorry for no intro i literally came in the house and grabbed the laptop because this was in my head and now my writers block is almost gone. Have a great Sunday everyone. Go Dale Junior! Oh how bout team U.S.A? kicking some major butt in the Olympics!!! My pride in  this country will never waver and I'm so proud of each and everyone of those athletes medals or not GREAT JOB EVERYONE!!!

reflections and current events

   Good evening everybody!! I hope all is good and your weekend is going good. Fore warning I'm not really sure what i will be writing about tonight. I have a few ideas but not really sure which direction i will go. So i will just throw my thoughts at the keyboard and see what sticks.
   So today i attended a graduation party. It was kind of surreal and unbelievable that's 11 years ago i was at my grad party. Man i remember the excitement of finally being done with school. Knowing i had the whole world out there for me to explore! And there for awhile i was really thinking about moving away and seeing what i could find. Obviously i didn't cause here i sit. Not a bad thing i really probably wouldn't have been able to leave. In all honesty id miss my brother way too much! Looking back im really surprised he didn't knock the shit out of me. I can be really hard to deal with and back then i was probably a handful. We use to get into arguments and there have been a few days we didn't speak. I think it was a tough time for both of us back then and it was our way of venting. So hey why not fight with each other. Lol. You know its funny how looking back now i know he was always looking out for me. Too bad that stubborn side of me was in control. Now i go to him for advice quite a bit. Even though hes a Jeff Gordon fan he is still a great guy.I have always looked up to him.
    It was so weird today because it was almost like a reunion today except everybody has had kids in the past ten years well except me. I keep telling myself when the time is right. Til then i wait. I may not be playing for the Yankees like i dreamed but i have a good job. Pay my bills and am working towards my goals. I haven't taken much time for fun but i have done one thing and that's worked and worked hard. I may not have much to show for it but im working on that part to and that's a slow process but in time i will get there. I really need a plan. More than just work work work. I feel like im working towards retirement but in the meanwhile i have things i want now. I don't want to wait thirty tears and be like yeah now i can get these things i want. Like a new house. Its like i have a hundred things i want to do all at once and well obviously i cant do them all at the same time.I will tell you something i really miss my PlayStation!!! Its going on three weeks now since i took it to get repaired. The game card broke not the laser. A few will understand that joke. The PlayStation 2 just isn't cutting it anymore. It was a tide me over but dammit i want to play ops!!
    I know this next subject will sit well with some and others will shutter at the thought. I am one to shutter. Its only two days from August which means Summer is winding down already. Damn where does the time go? I still haven't made it to the race track in p.a. Although i am going to Watkins Glen in a couple of weeks!!!! I cant wait! My escape from everything.Still don't know if we are camping or not. I kind of want to just go the day of but hey im down for whatever. This whole year has been a set back. Lack of hours at work mean lack of money and i have to buy pellets still. Oh well hopefully the cold weather is still at least three months away. I just feel overwhelmed at times with all this stuff. Man does it ever end? Things will get better right/ Right? As long as i stay busy it'll keep my mind busy from it all. Well i think im going to end this for the night. Maybe ill post another one tomorrow seens i have been slacking lately. Actually work has been mad crazy these last few weeks. Ever since that week off things have been just hectic. The start times were different everyday last week. This week looks a little better as far as times. Hopefully i walk out of there before 230 and 330. But im making paper and i have a job some aren't as lucky so ill take it and smile. Good night everybody

rant post my apologies...

     How is someone suppose to maintain a happy positive outlook on life with so much negativity all around? It seems that's all anyone ever talks about. The news is talking about drugs and a murder. Weather related disasters. Very few positive stories for people to hear about. Maybe we are all doomed to suffer. Theres more to life than pain and suffering isn't there? More to it than hurt. Wheres the joy? Where are the happy stories? Its no wonder everybody is depressed and on meds for various reasons. What happen to the fairy tales? Happily ever after has become depressed over and over again.
     It really is bothersome to think about it. How can we make changes for the better? If not for everybody then just for ourselves. I mean that's what it is all about right? Ourselves. What we can get out of my situatimome whats in it for me? Don't get me wrong, I'm not running around all smiles all day long but I'm also not expecting anybody to feel bad for me. I don't look for any sympathy. How can we take all the negative and turn it positive? There has to be a place to start. Maybe its something small like a "thank you" or even something as simple as a smile. I know that concept for some people is difficult. Maybe people make their lives difficult on purpose. They just walk around looking at everything in the negative light. No matter what the situation they find something wrong with it. I cant stand a pity party especially when people are doing absolutely nothing to try and change the situation for the better. Instead they just sit around mopping about how bad it is. Like seriously? Do something about it! Maybe its easier said than done but i bet its easier once you take that first step towards making a change.
     I apologize i think this is turning into a rant post. I also cant stand fake ass people! I'm so tired of people playing nice. Its all an act especially when i see it and call it bullshit! Then guess what everyone else sees i was right. Just remember you are only as fake as your lies and the persona you try and act tough behind. Like seriously it really pisses me off when i know who you really are and then you try and act shady behind my back and i call it and it happens. Look i get it you wanna fit in that's great but get off my shit! You're not as real as you claim too be. We all know it. I'm not the greatest and i only claim to be when I'm in that mood but I'm real as fuck. What you see is what you get. I tell it the way it is and the way i see it. Don't like it? That's okay I'm not trying to impress anybody. Those who like me like me for me. Am i a prick yeah i can be but hey I've been shit on by alot of people and after you get kicked enough when you are down eventually you get back on your feet and fight back.This isn't me acting tough so please don't start hating this is a rant. I really don't like that fake ass smile you have because i know the truth and you know damn well i do.
       Ive been though alot and well as sad as it is i failed to use it as motivation but i didn't use it as my excuses. Did i mess up yeah but i also learned a really important lesson. At the end of the day no matter how many " have my back" they don't. When the sun goes down and I'm here like this moment i have myself. I sit here in this house thinking. I look around all the people are gone and its just me. No I'm not hating on my friends i know who you are and i also know you have lives of your own and that wont change. We all understand things get busy. If something happens that's when we are there for each other but by that time its too late cause it already happened. Maybe I've been hardened by this life. The past events have caused some hard feelings. Not towards anybody in particular they are just there. I want to make a change and i feel the only way for this to happen is to let go of what i have known as the way of my life these past few years. But then again it wouldn't be much different than it is now. Crazy talk i know but i know it would work as it did before. Maybe that's what i have to do the you'll see what i was and what i shall become. I want more than this. I need more than this. I have worked to hard not to get what i deserve. I hear it everyday my soul telling me I'm better than the way i have been so far. I always look towards the horizon, plan for the tomorrows but someday the tomorrows will stop and regardless of what i did or didn't do is irrelevant but if it happens like i feel it will i don't wanna be laying around at the end of this and asking myself  "why did you waste this life?" I don't want to lay there and damn myself for just letting life pass like a cool breeze. That's not why I'm here. And im not here busting my ass to give you the easy life!!
    I'm not going to cure cancer. Or climb Everest but i do want more than where I'm going. I want my potential to be fulfilled. Maybe this writing is what I'm suppose to do. Not as a job but as a way to get myself out thereim notoking for fame. I'm not content just sitting here anymore. I wish i had some more resources near me. More friends. Less pity parties. More sunshine and less rain clouds. I know better than anybody how hard times are but that shouldn't be the reason or the excuse as to why things are the way they are. I need a plan. I mean i have one i just need to get it in motion. Its no good to me with it just sitting next to me looking for a push. Things take time and time that I've wasted on the past is gone but i have forever to look forward too. I really don't know if this is making sense and seens i don't re read what i write ill never know.
     Theres a part of me that i lost. I know where when and even how i lost it, It was the fire that was inside of me. My heart was gone. The desire to be the best. Its slowly coming back and i should have never let myself lose it. I feel it. I feel this in my soul. I'm so hell bent on fixing all of this i swear it'll happen or I'm going to die trying! I want the best i deserve better than being walked on. Deserve better than to be taken for granted and i will make you regret with all your being for walking on me and hurting me. Ill prove all of you wrong. Someday someway i will do this. And if i don't then i fail. No big deal I've failed before and am still here. Don't start taking credit for the change because its not you its the tired feeling of failing. The empty feeling of knowing i shouldn't be in a struggle. Theres no reason its like this. I'm making a change and weither it takes a month a year a decade I'm gonna make this change for the better. Make it for me. For myself for a change. Because i deserve this more than ever. I want this more than ever. If it means putting other things I've dreamed about on hold than so be it. If its real then its gonna happen regardless....
    Wow! okay I think I'm done.. for now. This isn't directly pointed at anybody its just the way i feel lately. Ive been there for so many people and at this moment i really don't feel like any of them are in it with me and for me. They come around when they want or need something and fail to repay the favor. I'm tired of it. I have my own back because all the others have seemed to fail at it. I was told awhile ago to stop caring for everybody else beacuse when the tables are reversed you;; see who really cares. Well that statement is so true. Ive seen whos really here and who was as fake as the smile on their face! Step out of my shadow and people will see the truth.

im a runner

I'm a runner. I run from the past. Not outta fear but outta pain. Outta anger. I try to escape the hurt that was caused. Maybe that's why I don't come around often. Dealing and reeling the past. If I avoid things then I won't have a reason to get away. Stand on the outside and watch.
As a spectator. I find myself use to this way if life so its awkward and difficult to put myself out there too people. The disappointment some have caused puts a fear if it happening again and this causes a cation like no other than I use. I know the heartache, the pain, and hurt that was caused by reckless love. Never intended to hurt me but did a great job in doing so.so much I long for. So many dreams I have yet to live and experience. Often wonder when and if they'll come true. Scared to put myself out there for fear of the pain that can be caused. Maybe I'm just tired of hurting. Maybe I've convinced myself to turn off my feelings and now they are gone. Maybe I've out run them. Left all of them behind. I should've stopped and let them catch up but I just kept going. Kept driving because I got tired of them being hurt. Tired of the reasons and excuses people used to hurt them so I did what they did and abandoned them. I've gone back to find them and save what pieces may have been left over but they are still missing. Gone forever? I hope not. I hope to figure things out before its too late. Its easier to put forth effort into other things such as sports. It keeps my mind occupied keeps me busy from thinking so much. Sometimes i wonder if i somehow set myself up for this. Knowing things weren't gonna happen and yet i still set for it. Thinking it would be a different outcome but inside i knew it wouldn't end any other way than it ultimately did. Maybe it'll be different one day...

  **i wrote this on my phone. i dont know how long itll be so maybe i will write another one later today

Back to work i went...

     Work work work! And I'm glad to be back! Yes i really mean that. The week of was really nice. But by the end of it i was definitely ready to get back to the grind. I didn't get everything done but i didn't relax. This week has been nine and a half hour days. Which will make up for the lack of a paycheck this week.
     This blog isn't me whining or complaining or anything like that just my thoughts. Ive been thinking about this lately and I'm gonna try and put it together in a pretty little blog. Ive noticed something about myself and about this life i live. If it isn't one thing it really is another. And at the end of the day i continue to push forward as only i know how too.I never really thought of myself as much of a fighter but didn't realize there is another type of fighting. It doesn't have to be a physical fight. Its a fight against the hands i get dealt. Don't get me wrong i have it better than some and I'm not saying i don't but man and i know we all go through this it seems like every time i get a footing i get knocked down again. In someway or another. i begin to think I'm on my way and something else comes along and sets me back. And what do i do? Fall further into the grasp looking up at the sky.
     I wonder how the people who "made it" got where they are. Hard work? I work hard. I go to work everyday. The days i don't go i use a vacation day so its not like i just blow it off and just don't show. They frown on that. Yes i know from experience. But I've grown up. Maybe that's why it looks like I'm always mad. Its my fighting face, Because everyday I'm in a battle fighting the hands of fate. How does somebody start over? I mean yeah you can wake up and say " Its a new day time to start fresh" but, in reality yesterday's problems are still there. Yesterdays stress hasn't gone away just because its a new day. So how can i start over? How can i really legitimately wipe the slate clean and start over? Somebody please tell me. I would really like too. See i don't think you can. I think its a rebuilding process but its so hard to stay on course and rebuild to a fresh start. Even with a game plan and all the planning i still seem to fail at my plan. So what do i do? Start fresh everyday.
     Somedays i wanna throw the towel in and say screw this.But I'm way better than that and it'll never ever happen. So i press on believing that tomorrow will be a better day and that i will figure out this life and figure out how to get on the right path. Still wanna know where to start or even how.  If there was a point where i went wrong i know when and where it was. But i cant go back to change it. Its like i have dug myself a hole and its too deep now and I'm digging from the underground up. I keep saying i just need a break. Just a string of good luck. And all in the same breath i know i have it decent. Not perfect but its not the worst either. I had a good start on life but i kept using that as an excuse and not a reason to get a better start on life. Now that start came with the biggest sacrifice one could imagine. And i would have gave up the good start to have back what i lost. I was thinking about people today and the living they have. All the different jobs in the world. How did they learn the trade they do. What lead them to where they are, where they live, why they decided to be there. Yes i have alot of time to think at my job and i use it really well.
      I think fear held me back from alot. Well mostly failure which is stupid as hell. I tell my friend Erik i wish back then i was who i am today. In the sense of not worrying about the little things. If i had the nerve that i have today. I can list the would have, could have, should have and its a mile long. I know boo who cry me a river. Yeah life's tough and I've had it easy and i blame myself for that. I took the easy road and too be completely honest i wish i hadn't. When i graduated high school i should have ran with it. I should have had this world by the balls. But i had to work and create a living for myself. I knew what i had too do and that was work. That's how i was raised. There was no time to stop. I had to support myself, So my option was too work. And now i cant stop. Hey i have to be good at something. I do love my job and i mean that. Some days its a pain in the foot but i enjoy it. I do however wanna kick my ass for just settling for things in the beginning of "my  life" Some days id love to just pack up and go. Anywhere just go and find a new life but id miss this one alot. Probably too much. Not matter what i may find this is the life i chose and its the life i live. Would i trade it? Yeah some days but i think if i had my way id change things. Just small adjustments to improve it. Maybe with some hard work some way i will change the things i want and things will start working out in my favor. My next issue is where to start on the LIST of changes!? Well everyone thanks for reading sorry its been a few days. This blog really had to happen for my sake. I hope you enjoy it and maybe you can relate.

the day after and the following days...

    So did everybody survive the Fourth of July?Hopefully the worst that happened was a hangover for y'all. Sorry i didn't know what to put at the end of that previous sentence. Anyway, How was your fourth? I hope you all had a great day and if you didn't well better luck in September.
    So as every year for the fourth my brother and i ride our bikes uptown to watch the parade. It seems easier than fighting traffic and all the headaches of waiting for some jerk to let us in line.You all know exactly what I'm talking about and if you don't go shopping on black Friday! Not quite as bad but you get the idea.  So it was suppose to rain on the fourth of July i read afternnoonish which concerned me for the fireworks. Of all the days not the fourth!!!  The parade started and as it started the dark clouds started looking ominous. Oh boy this isn't looking good. Maybe they will just pass over us. "Maybe we should leave" my brother said. " Um this maybe a good idea. Uh oh i think i felt a rain drop." i said. "I thought i did too. We better head back. We can always come back up later." He said. And we were off!! As we were riding down the dirt driveway we both noticed something rather odd. Not only were the skies getting incredibly darker but apparently we were the only two that were able to see this phenomenon. People were walking towards the parade, "Do they not see the dark clouds?" "I dunno" and then it happened...A crash of thunder followed by the downpour of a lifetime! It was literally as if someone had an endless bucket of water and was pouring it directly on the world. The ride was just a wet blur. There was water everywhere! My clothes seemed to just absorb the water or maybe it was just that much rain. In fact i haven't seen it rain that hard that fast in awhile! I could barely see in front of me. My glasses were slipping and then i realized the worst possible thing in the world! MY PHONE!!!! It was probably drowning. Damn i cant afford a new phone! So rather than peddle harder i check to see if its soaked but no not yet!! Better ride faster! Unfortunately my legs were on fire by this point! Water splashing and zinging off the tires! And low and behold whats up ahead?? A busier than usual intersection, Are you kidding me? So its pouring and here we are standing at an intersection. Finally a break although i should have shifted gears to a lower gear. But no harm no foul. So we finally made it home and i pulled my phone out and...oh thank goodness it seemed to be in working condition still but, the storm is causing issues with it. As far as water damage i think its safe. Despite what some of you may think you know I'm not really texting much anymore. Its pretty much my Internet. And i really didn't wanna go through the hassle of getting a new one plus i think i already used my insurance claim thingy so it'd probably cost me retail for a new phone and they can..well forget that. Anyway fast forward to later that evening and the main event! Now maybe it was because i was anticipating them and hadn't seen them in a year but man i was kind of disappointed in them this year! Even the grande finale was weak, I don't know maybe the ground was still wet and that may have hampered them but i was disappointed. The lesson here is to never over anticipate things otherwise you ll end up disappointed!
    So i know its early and all but I'm so ready for fantasy football! In fact i have been doing mock drafts the last few days! How pathetic is that? Trying to perfect my almost certain to fail strategedy. No its cool because you can set yourself up in different spots in the draft order and see how players get drafted. Yeah its different every time but you know what i need no explanation of the stuff i do. *laughing* Last years strategy seemed to work pretty good until the playoffs then i was bounced and lost all my games. I call myself the regular season champ. I'm not sure how I'm gonna do it this year. i do know it fun as hell and this year i can do a live draft! As long as my Internet connection cooperates with me. And that's another reason I'm doing the mock drafts...yeah. Next!
     Its gonna be another great sports weekend. Yankees are gonna crush the Red Sux. I'm gonna say we sweep them. BOOM! Then Saturday night is the race in Daytona. i love Daytona. The pack racing is awesome! Plus Dale Junior normally does decent there until he gets caught up in the wrecks at the end, And its gonna finish under the lights which adds more excitement to it. I know they are just going around in circles. And that is why you are narrow minded. Theres alot more to it.Maybe just maybe Junior can win again!! That would be awesome but i will settle for a top five and no less than a top ten. So my Saturday night seems to be filled. Unfortunatly my vacation is coming to an end but its been nice having this time off to recover of sorts. Too bad it doesnt happen every year. And hopefully we get our hot days out of the way so its not like an oven in there no pun intended. Well folks I'm gonna sign off for the night and i just want to take another moment and thank all of the troops all over the world. It is because of you that i can enjoy all of my freedoms. Good night everybody and thanks for reading.

What my freedom means to me..

       Yes i know i am about four minutes early but regardless I'm still gonna start this and by the time I'm done it will be the fourth of July. Now i may sound selfish in this particular blog but hey I'm allowed once in awhile. First and foremost THANK YOU TO ALL THE MEN AND WOMAN PAST PRESENT AND FUTURE who serve this great country and protect us from the evil of the world. God bless each and everyone of you.
     I wake up everyday at whatever time i want. I go to bed whenever i want. Nobody tells me when i am suppose to do either. I disagree with peoples opinions and have the right to voice my own. Case and point right here and now. As you read this you are allowed to disagree or agree with me freely. In fact you can even post your thoughts and opinions in the comment box at the bottom of this page. I can cheer for whatever team i choose, although theres no choice other than the Yankees. I'm allowed to love freely and nobody can stop that. I was born and raised in the greatest country in the world! In this country i may get grief from my friends or even strangers but I'm still allowed to voice my thoughts freely and openly. Today we celebrate our countries independence. Our freedoms and our rights. We celebrate life,liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Today will be filled with cookouts. Sharing laughs and memories with family and friends. Watching parades and going to gatherings. Now I'm sure alot of us wont take a moment and think about it but we really are very lucky to live in a free country. I mean we don't have a war going on. No bombs going off at any moment. We can do and say what we want within reason of course.
    The fireworks are the best part for me. I love the grande finale and i get chills and goose bumps every time i watch the end. I don't know why i just do. During the fireworks i find myself thinking of our troops who are overseas fighting for us. Fighting for our way of life.  I am very patriotic. Theres nothing better than living in the United States of America. Everything about us is the greatest. Ill never be able to comprehend the daily struggles that our troops face on a daily basis. Knowing when they board that plane they may not see their family for months even years again. That's sacrifice. That's a sacrifice that can never be repaid! Its a nice feeling knowing when i go back to work ill be getting paid a decent wage with benefits, and i wont be making pennies or working for free because in America we are independent and are given opportunity to make a living. Our soldiers make this all possible for fighting for each and everyone of us. They are risking their lives everyday for us to have the freedoms we take for granted. So while you are laughing and having a good time take a moment and think of the reason why we are able to be enjoying the day. Take the moment to think of our bravest. If you know any soldiers thank them. Let them know you appreciate the sacrifice they made and continue to make.
    I will forever be grateful and indebted to each and everyone of them. Yes i will be enjoying a parade in the morning (pending the weather. Its currently raining) and the festivities at the local park. And i can hardly wait to watch the fireworks. But in the back of my mind i will silently take a moment and say a prayer for all the men and women who are fighting our battles all over the world. I will pray for the safe return and a speedy recovery for those inquired. And a special prayer for the families and friends of fallen soldiers. For it is their sacrifice, which is the ultimate sacrifice that gives each of us our freedoms that we take for granted. Words are never enough but thank you to all of you from the bottom of my heart for your courage and bravery. You all are true American hero's and deserve to be recognized everyday not just the fourth of July or Memorial day but, everyday. theres a line in a Toby Keith song that goes "You ll be sorry that you messed with the U.S. of A cause well put a boot in your ass its the American way!!!!" Thank you and may God bless each and everyone of you no matter where you are. And may God bless the United States of America. Good night and happy fourth of July to all. :)

A wrestling fan..

     Good monday evening everybody!! As many of you may know mondays are for one thing and one thing only..WRESTLING! Yes! Not football not whatever maybe on but wrestling. Now im a bit of a wrestling geek and im proud to admit it. This blog is dedicated to the wrestling geek in all of us.
   Now i admit the WWE isnt what it use to be. Like many fans i long for the chair to the head. Foul language. Blood and gore that was wrestling. The almost always guarentee of blood in the main event of every pay per view. But now its replaced with chants of lets go Cena, Cena sucks. And even though im still in the middle of weither or not i should be a member of cenation, I know he doesnt suck. He is just always there! Every damn main event on raw. Every pay per view main event! Hes everywhere! But the kids love him and thats all that matters so i say hes there to stay. And i also want to say..Im sorry for all the older fans who went through the Hogan era when i was a kid. Now i know how you feel!! What is it about wrestling that i love? I really donty know. Maybe its the athleticism or the storylines. Maybe the way they feed the character and make it believable. I know its all a show and its entertainment but i enjoy it.
      I mean how cool would it be to be a wrestler!? Traveling the world. Having millions of fans. The lights,the glitz,the glamor. The competition for the title. Or making a heel(bad guy) turn. The show isnt the way it use to be. Nowadays its almost a guarentee everybody at a point with turn heel/ or face at some point. If memory serves correctly back then it was rare for a turn and when it happened it was a shock.. Some of the storylines were ruined by  the writers not knowing how to tell the story or maybe they just didnt know what to do. I need to be a writer for the WWE. The Nexus storyline was great! That monday where they invaded and took over raw was phenominal! That had so much potential  they could have ran with that for months. The C.m Punk storyline half real shoot also had potential. They should have had him stay away for awhile with the title rather than let Cena win it on raw the next night and then they had Punk show up. Poorly written. Dont take this as a bashing blog either. Im sure the job isnt easy. Im sure they are burned out of ideas for all the wrestlers and trying to come up with new and creative ways to put forward the product. There are few moments that leave me in aww now.
    C.m punk vs Daniel Bryan has so much potential. Those two guys have the ability to tell a story that could go down in history. Much like Bret Hart use to do. And although i still like watching their matches i dont feel the extra things are needed. Although A.j adds an interesting element to the matches cause i have no idea what shes thinking(as the case with most women ) And now at this very moment the Macho Man was talking to me but now hes gone. No im not crazy. Dolph Ziggler reminds me of Mr. Perfect just the apperance and the arrogent attitude. That guy has a promising career. Hopefully he is used properly because he could be around a long time like Shawn Michaels was. Soetimes i sit here and wonder what the hell are they thinking? Santino as a champion? Jerry Lawler vs Michael Cole/ And what the hell are they doing with Jack Swagger?? He  is a main eventer as well but they arent using him to his full potential. I really wish they would let these guys just do what they do with no scripts. No storyline. Just a wrestling match like they use to do. Can i ask you a question?What is a funkasauras??? Because ive never heard of it until Brodious Clay showed up.I think one of the things that i still love is you never know whats gonna happen next. Recently i relized all the guys i grew up watching are slowly fading away. Some are even dying. I mean Jerry Lawler, Triple H and the Undertaker are pretty much the only guys left from my youth. Yes they bring back a few legends from time to time but that obviously isnt the same. As with most things times change. And we have to find a new favorite to cheer for and we sit in our seats wondering i wonder who would win in a match of Cm Punk against Bret Hart. Or Chris Benoit against Jack Swagger. I wish when Vince/Shane bought WCW they would have left it as WCW. And kept the two seperate brands. They lost alot of great wrestlers. Ive read alot of the guys didnt want to work for Vince. In away it was bad for business when WCW was bought because well when you buy the competition theres nobody to match yourself against. Nothing to compete against. Its like the modern day Wal Mart. Who do they  have to compete against? Target? Theres not a Target in every other town. Kmart? I can think of one Kmart store left. Theres no competition for them. So they pretty much rule. And im not saying the WWE product isnt good but it could be better but as with anything when theres no healthy competition to compete against then thers no bar to measure against. Sure there is TNA but honestly TNA is like ECW use to be.
   Dear Big Show. Your 500 pounds. You stand seveb feet tall. You should be a champion and nobody should beat you ever! I dont care who it is. You should be feared. Other wrestlers should avoid you. Dear C.M Punk since your pipebomb you have become.. well soft. You no longer drop pipebombs i understand though. You got what you want I still like your character though. Dear John Cena Love you or hate you. You are respected by me. Thank you for all you do and everybody just stopped reading this blog! Heel turn anybody? Dear Dolph Ziggler Boom! You are the future of the business just keep doing the right thing. You will be a hall of famer. Dear Jack Swagger stop combing your hair like that. I cant take you serious with your hair like that. Pure ability though. Okay i think im done with this blog. I really would like to write for the WWE. Obviously itll never happen but if Shawns boyhood dream can come true and Mick Foley can pretend to be the Superfly then i can dream about a life of writing stories for wrestlers that fans adore. Thank you for reading a geeks writing about wrestling :)

sunday nights post...

      Hello everybody! So here it is a new month  and i made it through June relativly unscratched! Just a little bump but im still here so ill make it. And ironically enough Smokey and the Bandit is on. My Dad and i use to rent this movie every Saturday from the library. So Ill take it as a sign and smile to the heavens. Its gonna be weird not going to work this week but im looking forward to it. And on that note on to the blog.
    I think tonights will probably be all over because it was a busy weekend. And the subject i wanna write about has to wait until i have it all figured out in my head. Otherwise its just gonna be a jumbeled mess. In fact i may have to do a rough draft then a final copy. Just like we use to have to do in school. And then i have to figure out if i wanna post it. It may ruffle feathers. But not on purpose but just because its in my head and ive been thinkiing about it alot lately. For once in my life im pretty clear on what i want. Although i have known it just seems to be taking forever!!
    So this weekend was another fast one! Man i really dont know why they are going so damn fast all of a sudden. Today We rode 20 miles on our bikes. freaking awesome! BOOM!! Thats how we roll. I think the ride were doing the 21st is about twenty five miles. Needless to say im drinking water like crazy! I really cant wait to get out tomorrow and ride more! I told my brother im gonna ride all day tomorrow. Im not really sure where i will go but ill keep peddling and ill find somewhere to go. Id really like to go the adirondacks and ride the trails they have up there. Until then ill take the roads and tracks around here. This blog is taking me a littl elonger than i thought. Gosh i love this movie! Although its edited for tv.
      I sat at the lake tonight watching the sun set. Its so beautiful and peaceful. The sun reflecting off the water. There were ducks swimming around.It was nice. Too bad i was alone Well other than the people in the other cars but that would have been mad awkward to get in the car with them, Maybe next time ill sit on the beach. As we were riding bikes today i was thinking itd be kind of cool to own a house on the lake front. Although the seaweed and dead fish are a horrible smell itd still make for beautiful scenery. I already have my house picked out. I just hope the owner will keep paying the mortgage and will let me live there...doubtful though. There are some really nice houses down that way. Makes me wonder how people afford it and what the hell kind of job do they have!? Maybe someday ill get a new house.Another one of those dreams.
     Now for the daily sports portion of my blog. The Yankees won again today. The All-Star voting was todat Jeter, Cano and Granderson were voted starters! Way to go guys! Always making me proud. We seem to be clicking right now and despite injuries to Andy Mo and C.C the pitchers seem to have stepped up. This weeks fantasy baseball match up resulted in a lose but thats okay because i really dont expect to win many weeks. This weeks race was in Kentucky. This was the second year the sprint cup guys have been there. Junior started sixth i think. He finished fourth and he during the post race interview he said he wanted to win. He said hes getting impatient already! That cracked me up! Ill take the top fives and hell yeah i wanna win but as long as we keep running great the wins will come. Hold on the end on Satb is on be right back...ten minutes later! Yay they got away! I didnt watch the race in fact i walked in to catch the interviews. Damn saturday night races . Not really. I like the saturday night racing they seem more intense.  Like Junior said the summer months have been historically bad for him so hopefully this year will be better and maybe...nah i wont say it. I dont want to jinx it.
       We may not have fireworks on the fourth!!! This makes me mad. I get fireworks twice a year and the fourth is one of them. I guess there have been a few places cancelling them due to the dryness weve had and they are worried about fires. But its suppose to rain either monday or tuesday. Maybe if they get cancelled on wednesday then we will have them on the weekend. fingers crossed! And for the record i miss the hell out of my playstation. Ugh! Maybe someday ill get a new one. But right now its definatly not in my budget. Not much is right now. I know boo whoo. Well i have to be up around 9 so i gotta head to bed. So good night and thank you for reading about my life.

short one tonight...

      Good Morning everybody! Is it me or is this week never gonna end? Probably because i have the entire next week of and i know im staring at a ten hour day this friday. So thats probably why its taking so darn long! So the Yankees swept the Indians today but in the process we lost Andy Petitte for about six weeks. He was the recipiant of a line drive off his anklemy decision or bet=fore and it fractured. Ugh! Well im hping for a speedy recovery and he will be back sooner than later. 
     So i have been noticing myself changing alot lately. You know the whole with age comes wisdom? Well im not saying im getting smarter but i notice i dont react as quick to certain things as i once did. Almost like i wait it out and see how things go before i make my decision or before i decide one way or another.Dont get me wrong if i feel ive been wronged or someone is trying to start something i will jump faster than,than,than okay i have nothing at this moment but its something!! I dont know its just hard to explain. Almost like the little things no longer bither me and i dont let them get to me anymore. I tend to take things as they are presented to me and go from there.
   I dont wanna say in the past ive been a hot head because that makes me sound like i have/had anger issues. But i use to react on point to situations as to now i really dont think i would. I seem to be growing up and picking my battles wiser and steering away from battles in general.  Maybe i was angry back then. It seems id have a reason to be. I would always be the first there to defend a friend but now it to me doesnt seem like the same friend cares enough to be around.So now i think i would probably let them do their own battle. Yeah yeah yeah give me shit about the "Ive got your back line" and ill say in order for that to be true they have to be there when no battles are occuring. Does this make any sense? Or am i just rambling? Either way i will continue...Life changes and people change just as much. Alot of the time a new life begins and we fail to even see it until our best friends become just another memory.
     I have created a new plan for myself and the way i have this plan worked out in my head its a one year plan. The thing is though im not sure anybody will be around after the year is up. I know im being all secreative and stuff but thats just because i have too. But itd be a big change for me and in fact it would almost be like a culture shock just without the culture part. It would be hard too. And things would have to fall into place as far as work ws concerned. Who knows maybe i will start for a month and see how it goes. Little by little things will start taking shape and they will get better. If i didnt tell myself this everyday id give up. Well ladies and gents im gonna wrap this up for the night. So thanks as always for reading my blogs. Have a good day and remember Friday is only a day away!!!

Make-A-Wish John Cena

     Hello everybody!! I hope everybodys Monday went smoothly and I'm sure like me most of you are already counting down to Friday. I'm not really sure I'm looking forward to Friday for the simple fact i have to work nine and a half hours! On a Friday!? However not all hope is lost because next week I'm off everyday except Friday. Hmmm this Friday thing is starting to become a battle of two evils! My Monday was pretty good and too be honest Monday's don't really bother me for the simple fact i normally have all my energy at the beginning of the week so I'm raring to go!!And speaking of raring to go..On with the blog!
    So i don't know how many of you watch or even care about wrestling. Yes the sport that fakes the action. Because we all know they know how to fall and its all a plan and premeditated show. Yada yada yada and yes i said all that sarcastically. I have been a lifelong wrestling fan . And over the years I've learned it is entertainment and in some aspects its lost the sparkle to me. As a kid it was so real! They were really hitting each other. The mover really hurt and the good guy most always won. As i grew up i realized maybe it wasn't as real as i thought it was. It was for the most part planned and staged. Alot of it was different now. I'm not sure if it is because i have grown up and well realized the truth or if the willingness to call it entertainment has taken some of the luster away. Now this particular blog isn't just about wrestling i could go on for hours about the sport aspect of it. This is about a man named John Cena( big groan from the crowd) now what a minute before you all decide I'm no longer worth the read just finish this up and you'll understand where this is coming from. And maybe you still wont care but im still gonna write.
    Now i am not a follower in Cenation but at the same time i don't hate the guy. As his shirt tells me i rise above hate. I was watching raw tonight and the promo for the Make-A-Wish came on and they were talking about how last Monday John set a record and granted his 300th wish. Now i am no way,shape or form jumping on the band wagon. But I'm gonna praise John for his remarkable commitment to those children. For those who don't know Make-A-Wish is a non profit. Let me repeat non profit foundation  that grants wishes to children who are facing life threatening medical conditions. 300! That's an incredible number given the schedule Cena has on a weekly, monthly and yearly basis. He has shows every night in different cities all over the world. He has appearance obligations to live up to and here this guy takes time out of his schedule to grant wishes for these children.
    Now i know there are a lot of celebrities that do charity and I'm not knocking any of them. I'm sure they have busy schedules too but I'm writing about John because wrestling gets a bad rap in the media. As with alot of things the great things these people do tend to go unnoticed. He doesn't have to take the time out of his life to do this. He could say "no i just wrestled last night and was on a flight for 8 hours I'm tired and i wanna sleep" But he doesn't.He steps up to the plate and greets these kids with the enthusiasm that he brings to our televisions ever Monday night. Alot of celebrities have said and continue to say yeah its all about the fans and the people. But Cena shows it to those kids. The  way their little faces light up when he enters the room has to be one of the greatest feeling for John. Now i know he plays a character on raw and smack down. And his job is to draw the fans into the show and make us want more. I'm not sure any superstar has ever drawn such a mixed reaction as he does. And its not just in one city its in every city this guy goes to. Often on Mondays you can hear a chant of "Lets go Cena, Cena sucks" Like i said I'm on the fence i respect the guy for his work ethic. And i respect him even more for what hes done for these kids. Its applaud able and admirable. In a business where the job is to tell a story i think the story John Cena has written outside of the squared circle is one that will never be rewritten. He will continue to add to the wish count.I don't know him personally but I'm willing to bet its not about the number its about the kids. Its about the smile and its about knowing he made a kids life special even if for a moment. Knowing that the child's wish is to meet him out of all the other famous people in this world must be kind of overwhelming.
     Yes John Cena makes alot of money and yes John is the face good or bad of the business. In fact and this can be argued i dare say the most popular superstar in history. Love him or hate him hell maybe you don't care but respect is the word i think of when i think of him. Its awesome what hes doing for these sick children and even more awesome he is so willing to continue taking time out of his personal life to meet and greet them and make their wishes come true. We all should be so lucky to have our wishes granted. I know John Cena will never read this and he will never know me as more than a member of the WWE universe but i want to say thank you John for being a shining star in the business that has a bad rap. For  staying true to your beliefs and staying true to your fans. Ive often said John Cena is this generations Hulk Hogan. But i should correct myself John Cena is bigger than Hulk Hogan the difference? John Cena has never let the fame and fortune go to his head and for that I say Thank you Cena! Thank you Cena!

we have all been there...

     Good evening everybody! Today was a great freaking day! Awesome day! Fantastic day! Not even Dale Junior finishing 23rd today at Sonoma could dampen today. And on that note this blog will probably seem sad or depressing but its really not. Its a subject we have all had to deal with one way or another. And by the way the Yankees won today. Taking the rubber match up from the Mets. We won 6-5.And even though the dish went out as the bottom of the 9th started we managed to hang on. Go figure the signal came back on to sportscenter.
     Okay so we all at some point have been in a relationship. We know that amazing, walking on clouds all day kind of feeling. The joys of a new relationship is unmatched. You can hardly wait to talk to that person and can barely stand the thought of being away from them for any amount of time. And i swear ever happy song on the radio was written about the two of you and somehow the singer knew it was the perfect time to release the song. Everything is perfect and nothing could mess it up. There are few things that can compare to the pure bliss of being in love. You put that persons needs and wants before yours without thinking twice. Being in a room full of people and only seeing your significant other. Its a feeling that is so difficult to desribe and as we may try its still indescribable.
    Sometimes when things dont work out. For whatever reason it can be devastating for one person while on the other side it could be what they wanted. Maybe they wanted the freedom to come and go as they please. Maybe they didnt feel the same connection they once felt. There are so many reasons for relationships to end. While one person gets the freedom they so desire the other person is left to question what went wrong. What could they have done differently? The days drag on and they feel like they will never end. The nights are sleepless and restless. Nothing feels right. Theres no hunger. No thirst. No smile things that once were funny are no longer funny. The feeling is of being broken. Even though we all know these feelings. When we are hurt we feel so alone and dont feel like anybody could possibly understand. And once again the radio is only playing those sad songs which must have been written for us at that particular moment. Its crazy how things in life work out. Sometimes we search and search only to keep getting hurt while others find the one they were ment to be with and have a fulfilling lasting life with. I do believe theres somebody out there for all of us and timing is everything. Sometimes we chase after a person for months only to get hurt in the end anyway. I do know that love is one of the most powerful feelings and emotions ive ever felt. On a bad day it can lift you up and on a good day it can bring you down just as fast. And taking the cahnce on being hurt is worth it. Some people feel they wont ever find it and just give up on it.
    And of course theres love that doesnt have to be physical. Love in the heart can make people do things for others. Just because they are great people at heart. Its that love that seems rare. Nowadays it seems people are only out for themselves and could care less about another person. Small things can make a huge difference for a person. Seems people do things for others and expect some sort of payment. Littles things make a huge difference. And if for no other reason it should make a person feel good about themselves.
   Well i hope i havent rambled to much for anybody. Ihope everybody had a great weekend and hopefully the week is a great on and remember the fourth of July is right around the corner. Lets remember its more than a day of its a time to celebrate our freedom and with the freedom we have has come with great sacrife from the men and women who serve our unselfishly serve our great country. So too these brave people i say thank you. And i know no words can express the gratitude i have towards each of you. You are the real herosof this world.

   Good early morning ladies and gentlemen. How is everybody doing tonight? I am despite technological failures I'm doing pretty darn good. No real reason just upbeat as i write this. Maybe the potential death of my phone has me upbeat. Not that many people bother talking much anymore. Would you believe me if i told you at one point and time i was averaging 10,000 text messages a month! Yes you read that correctly a month! And now you wonder why Verizon wants to change all the plans around. I have the unlimited data package because I'm Grandfathered in and lemme tell you i was once told i use about four and a half gigs in a month. Yes my phone is my computer. That's where i get all my information from. And to be honest I'm tired of it. Id really like to go back to the simple way of life. Where we talked via the phone, hearing a voice on the other end rather than reading a few words. But i probably wouldn't be able to survive a week without my fancy phone. I use it on bike rides for music. Seems to keep the legs moving. Plus if I'm asked a question all i have to do is pull out the phone look it up and within a matter of minutes i have the answer. And the forecast news and sports right there at my finger tips. Plus id really miss everybody harassing me about it. Gives me the attention i so desire. * that was sarcastic*
    Oh well. although lately i have really considered dumping the phone for something different. Maybe a straight talk phone. Too bad i couldn't ride bike all day long. Speaking of riding bike, today when my brother and i were in the cemetery we saw a little fox. He came out in front of us and at first we were kinda leary because who knows maybe it had rabies but it didn't seem to care we were there so we let it be. Although i took some pictures of it. I must have looked kind of silly peaking from behind the headstone with my phone trying to snap a few pictures but finally i got them. Its so cool seeing all the different animals out and about. Deer, fox, squirrels, chipmunks, dogs, cats, horses, and even fish! Well fish at the lake. I really cant wait to do the ride on the 21st of July and even better my niece may join us! Yay! I really miss spending time with her, We always had so much fun hanging out. Of course that was when life was so much more simpler. As it always is when you are younger. But as we all know nothing lasts forever the young get old and the old get older. Hmmm. Yeah.
   So i made it through the 22 nd I had my down moments but all in all i was okay. Although to say i was disappointed with a few people will be the understatement of this century but hey whatever in the back of my mind it was expected. Because I've learned its not what they do for you its always what can you do for them! Every damn time. Oh well right? The Yankees lost Friday night to the Mets. That's okay though we will get em Saturday and Sunday. Nova is on the bump Saturday. His record is 9-2. Not too shabby. And "King James" finally got his ring. Which we all knew would happen eventually. I'm not a fan of his but the guy has alot of talent. We cant take that away from him. I just don't like the way he has handled himself the past couple of years. And that stupid stupid "The decision" interview was horrible! But I'm not here to hate on him. Its his life to live the way he so chooses. I just don't like the way he dumped on the fans in Cleveland. He should have stuck around and told management to bring in players and surround him with the talent there. But at the same time it is Miami. And I'm sure that itself was more appealing and playing alongside his friends probably helped in the decision . That's okay though my bulls will make a run next year. And I'm not bragging here but i said the shorter season would benefit the heat more than any other team and it did. Lebron always seemed to tire out in the later stages of the playoffs but this year seens the season didn't start until later it was a great advantage. I guess it just bothers me when guys lose their loyalties to the team and fans that they started with. This is a touchy subject too because obviously if there is a great player that isn't on my team then i want to have him on my team. So i guess i cant have my cake and eat it too. Always remember boys and girls money talks and bullshit walks. Although I've only seen it lay on the ground.  And i guess another factor is was and always will be the money. If a team will pony up the cash then the player will follow. As i probably would too.
   Well folks that's all for tonight. Have a great weekend in case I'm not on here til Sunday or Monday. Enjoy the sun and go Dale Junior

a few memories of my hero..

   So i wonder if everybody eats food when they get out of work. I mean i normally just have a bowl of cereal or lately I've been on an eggs and toast kick. So yummy!!And a glass of milk. Which is rare because i don't normally drink milk. As i sit here and half listen to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air i have been thinking about this date. June 22 2000. The day that changed me forever.
   Now as time has passed i find myself looking back not with the anger that i have had. I was bitter towards alot of things. I was mad i didn't have my Dad anymore. Mad that he wasn't around anymore. Mad he wouldn't see me graduate high school. Get married and his grand kids wouldn't ever meet him. I just didn't understand why i lost him. I felt alone. Depressed.Sad  I mean he was my hero. Superman to me. The man i wanted to be. And all of a sudden he was gone. I had no idea what i was suppose to do. Where to go. What would i do now? He had become my best friend after my Mom had passed away and now he was gone too. I was living with my brother after Dad passed away and i couldn't even stay at my house for longer than 15 minutes at a time. I would just sit in here and cry. I felt so empty without him. If it weren't for my cat Thunder i probably wouldn't have come over here at all. But little by little i was able to come over here more often. And spend more time with Thunder. I have always felt both my parents are still with me if not physically they are here in spirit.
   I'm sure like most little boys my Dad taught me so much. I remember learning how to drive. Well i would sit in his lap steering the truck on a dirt road. Everyday i drive down that road i think about that. Then when i was big enough to push the gas pedal he would pull over and let me drive. I wouldn't shift though i was scared i would grind the gears! So i would push the clutch in and he would pull the shifter into second gear. I wasn't allowed to go over 15 miles an hour. But that didn't stop me from asking. And at the end of every drive i would always get told "Now bear don't tell your mom. She worries alot" I'm sure she would know by the smile on my face when we got home. She wasn't allowed to know that i was splitting wood either. Or using the chainsaw. No not by myself Dad would have his hands on mine teaching me how too use it properly. Normally though my job was to move brush and load the truck. My Dad loved the woods. He loved being outside in nature and he respected being out there. His cigarette butts always went into his back pocket.
    Some of my favorite memories are of us fishing out back of the house. Man we would spend hours out there. There were very few things better than seeing the red and white bobber dunking under water the disapp[earing all the way. "Give it a little tug. Not to hard though if he doesn't have it you'll lose the fish" My Dad was amazing! He would help anybody he could. There are countless stories about him pulling cars out of the ditch on a winters day. I see that quality in both of my brothers. I like to think i have that quality too. Somewhere. I think I'm suppose to be feeling sad but looking back on memories i have a smile on my face. As i have said before my love for baseball comes from him. I use to collect cards. Sports cards such as baseball football etc.. I would look up the value of my cards because back then a card valued at two dollars was a big deal to me. I use to look up old cards he use to have. Mantle Gehrig Ted Williams the list goes on. Some of them were worth a serious amount. Baseball back then was great. I love seeing old footage from back then. It was just a different time and it seems so magical.Almost surreal.
   Lately I've realized yes i am sad hes not here anymore but i am so glad to have memories that some people aren't fortunate to have. That's why this year I'm trying to stay upbeat about things. Even though theres a void that will never be filled. He wouldn't want me to be sad and hurting but that's what happens when we lose our hero's and the people we look up too the most. The word hero isn't enough to describe how much i admire him. Everyday i try to fulfill the shoes he left. Hes my motivation st work and in life all together. I don't have any words to express how much he will always mean to me and everyday i carry him in my heart and soul. I hope one day i will have a little boy to teach all the things i can too. And i hope he looks up to me like i look up to my Dad. Everyday i strive to be just like him. I know in my eyes ill never be as great as him but i continue to try. One of the greatest things my Dad would say to me was "Bear I'm proud of you. Thanks for being my son." I just hope he is still proud of me and i hope he knows i really am trying. Someday ill get this right. So on this date June 22 2012 i will try and celebrate the life of my Dad. No tears just smiles and laughter. So Dad thank you for being my hero and being my Dad. You are the most influential person in my world. Thank you for teaching me right from wrong. Thank you for these memories i hold so close to my heart and will treasure forever. Thank you for always having time to play catch or go fishing even though you were tired from work. I love you and miss you everyday. I'm so proud to call you Dad <3 Love always your partner and Bear and here even though the tears are flowing this ones for you :)

todays thoughts..

   Hello one and all and all in one. Jeez that made me scratch my head. so here i am and there you are. Reading and writing. I'm not really sure what i wanna write about. In fact you may not even read this. It depends on whether i like the quality of it. I will not let my people read bad writings from my behalf! With this said onto the next.
   Man!! It has been hot these last two days! And i am in no way complaining. I love the heat. I don't know why though. I don't mind the cold but id rather have it hot! Today at work the temperature was 104 degrees. Not too shabby huh? And for the first time in my life my shirt was soaked. Literally soaked from sweat that has never happened too me.Maybe all the water is helping or maybe I'm just starting to get older! Ha Ha I have all but kicked diet Pepsi. I still have some now and then but nothing like before. My brother and i are training for our bike ride half way around the lake. It ll be about 23 miles i think it said. We rode 5 today, its kind of hard going out for longer rides when we have to be into work an hour early. But that's okay as long as i can get out on the bike I'm happy with that.
    Did you know Dale Junior won Sunday??? ;) I still am  smiling about this! Saturday my brothers and i are suppose to be going to the races. Hopefully the weather holds off. I really enjoy spending time with them. You know in the past i use t hate having people know about my parents passing away when i was younger. I hated it because i didn't want people to feel sorry for me. Or be friends with me based on that. Its still the same now but for some reason it doesn't bother me if people know. Maybe its because i know who my friends are and hopefully they accept me for who i am not what has happened to me. I love talking about my parents. Telling stories about memories i have. And unfortunately the 22nd is tomorrow. Cause its after midnight so technically its Thursday.But like i said in previous blogs. i will try and smile even though it ll be hard! Its what my Dad wants. But i will probab find tears at some point this weekend.
   I drank my diet Pepsi and now i want another. Too bad i don't have anymore! AHHHH!! Fine water it is. I know this hasn't been one of my better posts and i apologize. I'm kinda saving that for Friday or Saturday. It'll be about my Dad as most of these are. Oh by the way the Yankees ten game win streak came to an end against the Braves. In fact we have lost the last two in a row. I don't know why but lately i am so tired. I sleep very restless and cant make it past six hours.Well i think I'm gonna put this to bed and try and relax for a bit so good night peoples and thank you for reading this mess known as my blog. Stay tuned for more to come and yes it will be better than this one. Good night

Fathers day

 So this was the 11th year in a row I've "celebrated" Fathers day without my Father. I think of him everyday  and have thought about him everyday for the last 11 years. Just shy of twelve which unfortunately falls on the 22nd.
     This year though felt a little different. I was upbeat most of the day and busy enough not to sit around and dwell on the fact that while alot of people were giving their Dads gifts or taking him out to breakfast lunch or dinner i wasn't. Instead i was celebrating my brothers birthday. Which i enjoyed. It was his day. And my main goal was to try and make it a good day for him After all it was a father less fathers day for him too. So the early morning of Sunday and i mean around 430 am found me blowing up balloons. My plan was to put them on his deck and in the morning when  went to get the paper he'd be greeted by a lot of balloons. 50 to be exact. Well folks this plan kind of failed. You see when it is rather breezy out it tends to make keeping balloons in place rather difficult so my plan was to use tape and hope it would prevent them fro, floating away. When i left the balloons the were moving around the deck but seemed as if they were going to stay and be there to surprise him. When my phone rang around 915 i was greeted with the question of" so how many balloons were there?" Half asleep i replied in my famous sleeping mumble "oh probably....50 i think. yeah. probably 50" "Well when i opened the door and looked there were about 10-15. I had to hunt the rest down. They were in the field across the road. By the creek. out behind the house." "Oh no really?" He started to chuckle "yes really" "well dammit that sucks" as i was still trying to keep myself awake. We chatted for a few more minutes and he asked if i wanted to go on a bike ride. I love riding bikes so my answer is always yes.
    We are "training" for a bike ride fund raiser i found online. Its about a 25 mile ride so defiantly need to prepare for it. We rode to the flea market. Then up to the park  sat on the bench and watched the people out boating and the people that were onshore fishing. Then we rode through the cemetery and decided to go down the old train tracks came out on honeysette road the rode up plank turned down Lawson road mainly because the race was gonna start soon. Until i received the text stating the race was delayed due to rain. We debated on whether to turn around and go up prospect station or just head home. Head home was the decision so i could finish mowing my yard and we could rearrange the barn. Riding down our road was proving to be a difficult task due to the wind. Yes the same wind that blew the birthday surprise all over the fields.This wind was coming straight at us so it was like riding in the highest gear possible and just made things more difficult. There are a few places were coasting should occur but not this day. We made it home and i ended up buying him a birthday sub from the corner deli and as we finished eating the race finally started but i could keep watching i had to finish the yard.
   Dale junior seemed to be having a pretty strong run. And i was being optimistic as i always was but today felt different. Something felt right. Maybe today was the day the drought would end and maybe the dream i had was a premonition of what was gonna happen. We were in  the barn moving things around and of course i had the race on my phone. What? I cant help it! I'm a sports junkie..OK? At least i admit it. The laps were winding down 60 to go Junior was still running strong. 143 races since his last win. Which came 4 years and two ago at this track. Stewart was also showing a strong hand and was giving Junior a run for the lead. I was already starting to pace. Trying to hurry up and get in the house so i could watch the end of the race. I finally got in and Rick was off to wash his truck. Which means it was gonna rain because that's what happens when he washes his truck.(and yes it ended up raining later that night) Meanwhile Junior was leading going into the final pit stop. "Come on 88 guys we need a great stop here" i said to the TV. We were in first and after all the pit stops had cycled through we were still leading!! And to make it better our lead was growing! Eventually it grew to 5 seconds over second place. Man Junior was beating them good! I was hoping and praying there wouldn't be a caution. There wouldn't be any problems for the 88 car. No tire issues the engine would hold together. All these things were going through my head. We have been so close these past four years something was bound to happen and screw this up again!
    inside ten laps to go still over a 5 second lead. I was so nervous my hands were shaking as i cupped my mouth and interlocked my fingers. Praying and pleading. Please please please!!! "Come on Junior. Please win this please" Almost as if he could hear me. Inside 5 laps to go and i could barely contain myself. In fact i was doing a lap count down on my facebook page just to stay occupied.4 laps to go..3 laps to go i was still shaking. I had never shook so much in my life. This would mean so much to me. He has to win on Fathers day! As he took the white flag the only way he would lose now is if he spun out or the engine blows up or whatever else could have happened. I'm pretty sure i held my breath for the last lap. Coming around turn four and taking the checkered flag!!! "YES YES WAHOOOOOOOO" "YES HAHAHA HELL YEAH" "WOOOOOOOOO " JUNIOR!!!!!" The emotions were pouring out i was so damn happy!!! Four years man four years! That's a long damn time to wait and he won he finally won! I had to call Rick and i got his voicemail but apparently a loud excited voice was too much and the voicemail couldn't understand me. I cant even explain how happy this made me. Ive said this in previous blogs and ill say it here i relate to Junior in so many ways and for him to win on fathers day was very exciting for me.
   Rick called me and all i could do was cheer loudly in his ear! He got home and i greeted him in the driveway with cheering. Hooting and hollering! This was huge! As i watched his interviewed he seemed different. I don't know how to explain it, I don't know if he was relived or kinda sad because he didn't have his Dad there to celebrate with. But he just seemed more...mature almost like the win less streak had taken a huge toll on him. And i mean lets be honest here. This is Dale Junior. The pressure put on this mans shoulders has to be overwhelming. A daily comparison to his Dad and the expectations are probably unimaginable. Hes been NASCARs most popular driver for like 10 years in a row. And to be expected to win and not win in143 races must have been horribly unbearable for this guy. Its kind of amazing how one guy can create such raw emotions by winning a race. I read a few comments on facebook and I'm glad I'm not the only one who shed tears over this win. Its like we want Junior to win so bad that when he doesn't its like we don't either. Almost like we can feel the disappointment.Almost like a part of us is riding in that car.  And the win less streak was a along and agonizing deal. Junior nation knows how bad Junior wanted to win and we wanted it just as bad for our favorite driver.
   NASCAR isn't like any other sport. I hate when people say "They just drive around in a circle" Then go tell a golfer he just hits a ball into a cup. Theres so much more to it. And i wont go into details but these guys are driving 150 miles an hour around 42 other cars. It takes alot of talent to do this job. Its not like everyday driving jump in the car and go. Theres a technical side to it. AS a fan we understand it. We also know theres no guarantee our driver will win another race again. 143 races 4 years is a long time to wait, watch, hope and pray that maybe this race will be the one we finally can celebrate. And finally Junior nation can finally celebrate. And maybe Dale Junior and i can finally smile on Fathers day....