I'm a runner. I run from the past. Not outta fear but outta pain. Outta anger. I try to escape the hurt that was caused. Maybe that's why I don't come around often. Dealing and reeling the past. If I avoid things then I won't have a reason to get away. Stand on the outside and watch.
As a spectator. I find myself use to this way if life so its awkward and difficult to put myself out there too people. The disappointment some have caused puts a fear if it happening again and this causes a cation like no other than I use. I know the heartache, the pain, and hurt that was caused by reckless love. Never intended to hurt me but did a great job in doing so.so much I long for. So many dreams I have yet to live and experience. Often wonder when and if they'll come true. Scared to put myself out there for fear of the pain that can be caused. Maybe I'm just tired of hurting. Maybe I've convinced myself to turn off my feelings and now they are gone. Maybe I've out run them. Left all of them behind. I should've stopped and let them catch up but I just kept going. Kept driving because I got tired of them being hurt. Tired of the reasons and excuses people used to hurt them so I did what they did and abandoned them. I've gone back to find them and save what pieces may have been left over but they are still missing. Gone forever? I hope not. I hope to figure things out before its too late. Its easier to put forth effort into other things such as sports. It keeps my mind occupied keeps me busy from thinking so much. Sometimes i wonder if i somehow set myself up for this. Knowing things weren't gonna happen and yet i still set for it. Thinking it would be a different outcome but inside i knew it wouldn't end any other way than it ultimately did. Maybe it'll be different one day...
**i wrote this on my phone. i dont know how long itll be so maybe i will write another one later today
As a spectator. I find myself use to this way if life so its awkward and difficult to put myself out there too people. The disappointment some have caused puts a fear if it happening again and this causes a cation like no other than I use. I know the heartache, the pain, and hurt that was caused by reckless love. Never intended to hurt me but did a great job in doing so.so much I long for. So many dreams I have yet to live and experience. Often wonder when and if they'll come true. Scared to put myself out there for fear of the pain that can be caused. Maybe I'm just tired of hurting. Maybe I've convinced myself to turn off my feelings and now they are gone. Maybe I've out run them. Left all of them behind. I should've stopped and let them catch up but I just kept going. Kept driving because I got tired of them being hurt. Tired of the reasons and excuses people used to hurt them so I did what they did and abandoned them. I've gone back to find them and save what pieces may have been left over but they are still missing. Gone forever? I hope not. I hope to figure things out before its too late. Its easier to put forth effort into other things such as sports. It keeps my mind occupied keeps me busy from thinking so much. Sometimes i wonder if i somehow set myself up for this. Knowing things weren't gonna happen and yet i still set for it. Thinking it would be a different outcome but inside i knew it wouldn't end any other way than it ultimately did. Maybe it'll be different one day...
**i wrote this on my phone. i dont know how long itll be so maybe i will write another one later today
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