I don't know whats wrong with me.I have had the hardest time sleeping lately. Although Sunday night wasn't too bad. Saturday night was off and on but, i kept having weird dreams and they woke me up. I'm not sure if i remember them well, maybe bits and pieces. Nothing really specific though. Then I keep having this feeling that something bad is gonna happen. and i don't know what it is. But, i can literally feel something that's how real it seems. Ive had this feeling before but nothing came of it its just really strange. I don't know maybe my mind is just on overload lately and its making me delusional.
Part of me just wants to scream at the top of my lungs and the other part wants to hide in a corner and disappear,.All at the same time wondering why i don't feel good enough for anybody. I try and go out of my way for people and all i get is crapped on. I mean a guy can only take so much before he reaches a breaking point/. I was forced into a corner and had to make a really tough decision but it shouldn't have even happened. I'm to nice. Maybe that's my problem. But even if i become the douche bag that some people are what does it accomplish? Its not gonna put me in any better of a situation. It wont make people flock to me. Instead of saying "thank you" the next time someone holds the door open for me i should say "fuck you!" Then that brings me to my point. What does that accomplish? Nothing that i can think of.
Maybe I'm to simple of a guy. I mean come on if you know me then you know me. Theres no smoking screens. No hidden messages or agendas. I am simply me. Nothing fancy. Black and white. Boring. So how do i change that? Ive never tried to impress anybody. Why should i have too? Put up a fake persona to woo people? No thanks in my book that's fake. I'm not fake. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Someday if you try hard enough I'm pretty readable. Other days i build a front that you cant figure out. Nothing intentional its just the way i am. Maybe you can tell me whats wrong with me. Who am i kidding.? You're a computer screen you cant talk back to me unless i type my own response. "Yes I'm just a computer screen...sir.." \point taken.
I'm really just rambling in this blog. Maybe theres meaning behind it and there probably is and no i wont end up telling anybody because that's the beauty of it. You should take the time to know and really understand me. Theres always meaning behind my words its up to you to find them. I know you aren't gonna take the time too because lets be honest you really don't care. Just as long as i don't do anything that ll interfere in your life. And don't worry i wont. I have my own problems to deal with and work out but ill say this.. Ill be the bestest friend you've ever had. Just don't ruin it. Who am i kidding you probably already have. * kicks at a rock*
My thoughts are all over the place but they always end up in the same place. With her. I love her with all i have. I really wish things were different. Maybe someday ill get what i want. Ill just do what i always do and that's simple. Ill just keep trying because that's all i know how to do. Someday, yes someday ill finally get what i deserve ....
Monday, February 18, 2013
Friday, February 15, 2013
negativity
Hello one and all! Happy Valentines day well whats left of it. I hear the collective groans from the crowd. Geez, people lighten up. This is the perfect segway into this blog. Right down to business tonight...
Okay, i am a simple kind of a guy. I enjoy the little things in life and as i get older i have noticed i take less and less for granted. People come and go in our lives, thats just the way it goes. They are brought into our life for a purpose weither it be a stranger at the store or a friend of five years. I find myself enjoying holidays more now for the time i spend with my family rather the gifts or the food. Not that those were the reasons i looked forward to holidays but you get the point. Time starts moving so fast at a point in life we just seemingly run out of time for the ones that truley matter the most. Friends turn into family then into strangers in the blink of an eye. Now i know Valentines day isnt a "real" holiday and i read online that its just a waste of money. Flowers die, candy is bad for you and we shouldnt need a "holiday" to tell or show our significant other how we appriciate them. Pretty much, the article was somebody pissing and moaning about it. Probably a person that was "burned" in a relationship and although i know it does leave scars that will never fully heal. Move the fuck on already!! Why the hell are people so negative? Do you seriously not realize its rather pathetic. Always complaining it gets old real fast. Do you really think the rest of us wanna hear it day in and day out? Life isnt always easy this is a fact that i know better than most. And there have been days i have questioned the very existance of the sun. But, i did what most do and i dealt with it. I tell my girlfriend ever day that i love her. I told her the day before valentines day i dont need a special day to let her know how i feel. In fact she probably is tired of me telling her all the time but, i know what its like to be single. Or as the "anti-love" people call it "left to die alone" I chuckle. Telling her everyday how i feel doesnt make me better than anybody i just never want her to go a day without knowing i love her. And i appriciate all that she is.
Im not here bragging or anything like that i just find it annoying that people whine about being alone. There has to be a reason you are alone. Step outside of your bubble and be honest with yourself. Its probably rather easy. Maybe you dont treat people the way they deserve. Maybe you shouldnt be a player.( guys and girls apply to this) You probably shouldnt have taken advantage of that one person who actully cared. But, instead you played games. And look now Its valentines day and youre against it. So whats the difference between birthdays and valentines day? Its the same concept isnt it? You buy birthday cards, cake and ice cream. Balloons, streamers yada yada. Well eventully the balloons lose the air and get thrown away. Why do we spend money to celebrate a birthday? Valentines day is a day where we celebrate love and well if its the only day you let your significant other know you care then shame on you. So now people are against love? Only against it because they burned it and throw it away. Do i agree that its just a cooperations way to exploit people and make money? Yes, i do but, isnt that the way this world works? Its all about the dolla bill yall. Heres an example i use all the time. After 9/11 how many of you became "patriotic" and ran out and "bought flags to show support for America"? Or the support the Troops magnets that were on ever car it seemed. Well since when is it okay to exploit men and women dying for this country? Thats what it was/is. Those magnets and flags all should be free, instead they are lining somebodys pockets because "freedom dont come free".
I didnt see anybody posting on facebook or twitter about that. Or bitching and complaining about spending money on that. I really dont know what my point is on this blog. Maybe im just kind of ranting again. If your unhappy with your life change it, Do something about it. If you have burned a bridge you have nobody to blame but yourself. Right? Exactly. Its a "Hallmark Holiday" because you made it that way on yourself. Instead of being so caught up in yourself think of others for a change. I know that means being unselfish. A concept that some fail to do. Life is what we make of it. If you complain and play the poor me card people get tired of that hand. And we move on in our lives or" ditch you" but in reality youve done it to yourselfs.
On a happy note NASCAR starts this saturday night. Kind of like a preseason race. Then next sunday is the 500!!!! This guy cant freakin wait! Im not doing fantasy NASCAR this year though. Im going to play fantasy Baseball instead. I probably wont do very good but, its fun and thats all that matters because if i do lose..I promise i wont piss and moan about how horrible my life is and carry on. I wont waste your time on that pity party. Theres plenty out there to read about if you want to waste your time on it :) Have a gr88t weekend everybody!!!
Okay, i am a simple kind of a guy. I enjoy the little things in life and as i get older i have noticed i take less and less for granted. People come and go in our lives, thats just the way it goes. They are brought into our life for a purpose weither it be a stranger at the store or a friend of five years. I find myself enjoying holidays more now for the time i spend with my family rather the gifts or the food. Not that those were the reasons i looked forward to holidays but you get the point. Time starts moving so fast at a point in life we just seemingly run out of time for the ones that truley matter the most. Friends turn into family then into strangers in the blink of an eye. Now i know Valentines day isnt a "real" holiday and i read online that its just a waste of money. Flowers die, candy is bad for you and we shouldnt need a "holiday" to tell or show our significant other how we appriciate them. Pretty much, the article was somebody pissing and moaning about it. Probably a person that was "burned" in a relationship and although i know it does leave scars that will never fully heal. Move the fuck on already!! Why the hell are people so negative? Do you seriously not realize its rather pathetic. Always complaining it gets old real fast. Do you really think the rest of us wanna hear it day in and day out? Life isnt always easy this is a fact that i know better than most. And there have been days i have questioned the very existance of the sun. But, i did what most do and i dealt with it. I tell my girlfriend ever day that i love her. I told her the day before valentines day i dont need a special day to let her know how i feel. In fact she probably is tired of me telling her all the time but, i know what its like to be single. Or as the "anti-love" people call it "left to die alone" I chuckle. Telling her everyday how i feel doesnt make me better than anybody i just never want her to go a day without knowing i love her. And i appriciate all that she is.
Im not here bragging or anything like that i just find it annoying that people whine about being alone. There has to be a reason you are alone. Step outside of your bubble and be honest with yourself. Its probably rather easy. Maybe you dont treat people the way they deserve. Maybe you shouldnt be a player.( guys and girls apply to this) You probably shouldnt have taken advantage of that one person who actully cared. But, instead you played games. And look now Its valentines day and youre against it. So whats the difference between birthdays and valentines day? Its the same concept isnt it? You buy birthday cards, cake and ice cream. Balloons, streamers yada yada. Well eventully the balloons lose the air and get thrown away. Why do we spend money to celebrate a birthday? Valentines day is a day where we celebrate love and well if its the only day you let your significant other know you care then shame on you. So now people are against love? Only against it because they burned it and throw it away. Do i agree that its just a cooperations way to exploit people and make money? Yes, i do but, isnt that the way this world works? Its all about the dolla bill yall. Heres an example i use all the time. After 9/11 how many of you became "patriotic" and ran out and "bought flags to show support for America"? Or the support the Troops magnets that were on ever car it seemed. Well since when is it okay to exploit men and women dying for this country? Thats what it was/is. Those magnets and flags all should be free, instead they are lining somebodys pockets because "freedom dont come free".
I didnt see anybody posting on facebook or twitter about that. Or bitching and complaining about spending money on that. I really dont know what my point is on this blog. Maybe im just kind of ranting again. If your unhappy with your life change it, Do something about it. If you have burned a bridge you have nobody to blame but yourself. Right? Exactly. Its a "Hallmark Holiday" because you made it that way on yourself. Instead of being so caught up in yourself think of others for a change. I know that means being unselfish. A concept that some fail to do. Life is what we make of it. If you complain and play the poor me card people get tired of that hand. And we move on in our lives or" ditch you" but in reality youve done it to yourselfs.
On a happy note NASCAR starts this saturday night. Kind of like a preseason race. Then next sunday is the 500!!!! This guy cant freakin wait! Im not doing fantasy NASCAR this year though. Im going to play fantasy Baseball instead. I probably wont do very good but, its fun and thats all that matters because if i do lose..I promise i wont piss and moan about how horrible my life is and carry on. I wont waste your time on that pity party. Theres plenty out there to read about if you want to waste your time on it :) Have a gr88t weekend everybody!!!
Friday, February 8, 2013
February 8th 2013
So technically its the 9th but i haven't gone to bed so to me its still the 8th. Okay? Fair enough? Good. So i typed out a blog and well i didn't post it because I'm not really sure i want too. Or that i should. Its a slam on my character. I have to have somebody read it. That never happens. I am filtering myself, that's a first i think. Its not a bad blog or anything like that but i need an opinion on it.
Not that i write these blogs to impress anybody. Its just my way of venting, or mostly sharing my thoughts on whatever the case maybe. On with the blog. Please.
So first and foremost its my Dads birthday. :) Unfortunately, as you know if you pay attention, He is no longer here on earth in the body form. But, i keep him in my thoughts everyday. I fondly talk about him every chance i get. Now i try not to get all sad and depressed about these events. As i have gotten older i cherish these memories i have. I love talking about my Dad. He was truly a great man. I will never be able to fill his shoes but i do try. As the years fly by i look back with smiles instead of cries. At some point and time i will throw a celebration honoring my Dad. Probably in June when its a little warmer. Apparently, the two feet of snow we have gotten prevents such events. Happy Birthday Dad I love and miss you,.
Speaking of snow. So the East Coast is getting belted with yet another storm. This time its a blizzard. That's right Dairy Queen is dumping out ice cream all over the coast!!! Lucky, bastards! Okay i should make a joke because it is a serious situation. And i hope everyone manages to stay safe. You know what annoys me? I live in the strongest, richest country in the world and those people still haven't gotten money from super storm Sandy! That happened in October!!! Almost four months ago!?! And some of these people still haven't gotten the insurance money? Then whats the sense of having insurance if it takes this long? And by the way in case i didn't mention this...The storm was in Octo...oh i did say that? It snows in October!! These people have their backs against the wall heading into winter and well now the wall has been blown over! Yes, i know theres alot of paper work and blah, blah, blah but its not like winter is a once i a few years event. It happens every year. Now, i don't know of the conditions these people are living in but if they haven't received the money, i cant imagine they have been able to do repairs. Let alone before winter. And even if repairs had been done how much could have been finished before it snowed? I know Rome wasnt built in a day. But, We pay insurance for that exact reason. When we need it, it should be there in an instant when we need it most. Thatd be like going to the bank and them telling you " Yes, you may make a withdrawl but, you have to wait a few months. Sorry."
I don't understand how and why we as a nation don't step up and take care of our own. We have sick people who cant afford medicine because the cost is outrageous. Why aren't our troops home instead of fighting a war when theres a war going on in our country. Theres many wars going on here. If they were here they could help people recover from disasters and they'd be in their HOME country taking care of this COUNTRY. hence the reason they are United States of America troops. This is no way shape or form a knock on our troops. I love them for all they do. Its more of a knock on the leaders of this country. Half our problems are because we are too concerned with everyone Else's issues. Simple solution here. They come here disturbing our peace. We go there, fuck shit up and come back home. Lesson learned. Its like helping a stranger when a member of your family needs your help more. Maybe this doesn't make any sense and I'm just rambling. In fact this isn't what i was planning on blogging about. I really was gonna do a blog about my Dad. But, i started watching the news and well here's the result. Speaking of news....Why do they only show the sad stories? The murders. The rapes. The missing person. Yes, that's news and that's how we find the bad guy. But, damn man. A good, heart warming story isn't gonna hurt anybody. I was at work this week and the TV was on. The topic? Casey Anthony!!!Seriously????You cant talk about the cat that was rescued/ Or the woman that is now cancer free? Good stories. The guy who carried groceries for the elder lady. Happy stuff. And they wonder why the people walking around are depressed and pissed off at everything. Man i better get off my soap box!
Thank you for reading this blog. Stay tuned for more of my thoughts and opinions. Or you don't have too. Its your choice. Stay safe everyone i don't wanna see you on the news!!! Then again maybe you can get on the news for something good. just a thought...
Not that i write these blogs to impress anybody. Its just my way of venting, or mostly sharing my thoughts on whatever the case maybe. On with the blog. Please.
So first and foremost its my Dads birthday. :) Unfortunately, as you know if you pay attention, He is no longer here on earth in the body form. But, i keep him in my thoughts everyday. I fondly talk about him every chance i get. Now i try not to get all sad and depressed about these events. As i have gotten older i cherish these memories i have. I love talking about my Dad. He was truly a great man. I will never be able to fill his shoes but i do try. As the years fly by i look back with smiles instead of cries. At some point and time i will throw a celebration honoring my Dad. Probably in June when its a little warmer. Apparently, the two feet of snow we have gotten prevents such events. Happy Birthday Dad I love and miss you,.
Speaking of snow. So the East Coast is getting belted with yet another storm. This time its a blizzard. That's right Dairy Queen is dumping out ice cream all over the coast!!! Lucky, bastards! Okay i should make a joke because it is a serious situation. And i hope everyone manages to stay safe. You know what annoys me? I live in the strongest, richest country in the world and those people still haven't gotten money from super storm Sandy! That happened in October!!! Almost four months ago!?! And some of these people still haven't gotten the insurance money? Then whats the sense of having insurance if it takes this long? And by the way in case i didn't mention this...The storm was in Octo...oh i did say that? It snows in October!! These people have their backs against the wall heading into winter and well now the wall has been blown over! Yes, i know theres alot of paper work and blah, blah, blah but its not like winter is a once i a few years event. It happens every year. Now, i don't know of the conditions these people are living in but if they haven't received the money, i cant imagine they have been able to do repairs. Let alone before winter. And even if repairs had been done how much could have been finished before it snowed? I know Rome wasnt built in a day. But, We pay insurance for that exact reason. When we need it, it should be there in an instant when we need it most. Thatd be like going to the bank and them telling you " Yes, you may make a withdrawl but, you have to wait a few months. Sorry."
I don't understand how and why we as a nation don't step up and take care of our own. We have sick people who cant afford medicine because the cost is outrageous. Why aren't our troops home instead of fighting a war when theres a war going on in our country. Theres many wars going on here. If they were here they could help people recover from disasters and they'd be in their HOME country taking care of this COUNTRY. hence the reason they are United States of America troops. This is no way shape or form a knock on our troops. I love them for all they do. Its more of a knock on the leaders of this country. Half our problems are because we are too concerned with everyone Else's issues. Simple solution here. They come here disturbing our peace. We go there, fuck shit up and come back home. Lesson learned. Its like helping a stranger when a member of your family needs your help more. Maybe this doesn't make any sense and I'm just rambling. In fact this isn't what i was planning on blogging about. I really was gonna do a blog about my Dad. But, i started watching the news and well here's the result. Speaking of news....Why do they only show the sad stories? The murders. The rapes. The missing person. Yes, that's news and that's how we find the bad guy. But, damn man. A good, heart warming story isn't gonna hurt anybody. I was at work this week and the TV was on. The topic? Casey Anthony!!!Seriously????You cant talk about the cat that was rescued/ Or the woman that is now cancer free? Good stories. The guy who carried groceries for the elder lady. Happy stuff. And they wonder why the people walking around are depressed and pissed off at everything. Man i better get off my soap box!
Thank you for reading this blog. Stay tuned for more of my thoughts and opinions. Or you don't have too. Its your choice. Stay safe everyone i don't wanna see you on the news!!! Then again maybe you can get on the news for something good. just a thought...
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