Have you ever...

     I don't know whats wrong with me.I have had the hardest time sleeping lately. Although Sunday night wasn't too bad. Saturday night was off and on but, i kept having weird dreams and they woke me up. I'm not sure if i remember them well, maybe bits and pieces. Nothing really specific though. Then I keep having this feeling that something bad is gonna happen. and i don't know what it is. But, i can literally feel something that's how real it seems. Ive had this feeling before but nothing came of it its just really strange. I don't know maybe my mind is just on overload lately and its making me delusional.
    Part of me just wants to scream at the top of my lungs and the other part wants to hide in a corner and disappear,.All at the same time wondering why i don't feel good enough for anybody. I try and go out of my way for people and all i get is crapped on. I mean a guy can only take so much before he reaches a breaking point/. I was forced into a corner and had to make a really tough decision but it shouldn't have even happened. I'm to nice. Maybe that's my problem. But even if i become the douche bag that some people are what does it accomplish? Its not gonna put me in any better of a situation. It wont make people flock to me. Instead of saying "thank you" the next time someone holds the door open for me i should say "fuck you!" Then that brings me to my point. What does that accomplish? Nothing that i can think of.
     Maybe I'm to simple of a guy. I mean come on if you know me then you know me. Theres no smoking screens. No hidden messages or agendas. I am simply me. Nothing fancy.  Black and white. Boring. So how do i change that? Ive never tried to impress anybody. Why should i have too? Put up a fake persona to woo people? No thanks in my book that's fake. I'm not fake. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Someday if you try hard enough I'm pretty readable. Other days i build a front that you cant figure out. Nothing intentional its just the way i am.  Maybe you can tell me whats wrong with me. Who am i kidding.? You're a computer screen you cant talk back to me unless i type my own response. "Yes I'm just a computer screen...sir.." \point taken.
     I'm really just rambling in this blog. Maybe theres meaning behind  it and there probably is and no i wont end up telling anybody because that's the beauty of it. You should take the time to know and really understand me. Theres always meaning behind my words its up to you to find them. I know you aren't gonna take the time too because lets be honest you really don't care. Just as long as i don't do anything that ll interfere in your life. And don't worry i wont. I have my own problems to deal with and work out but ill say this.. Ill be the bestest friend you've ever had. Just don't ruin it. Who am i kidding you probably already have. * kicks at a rock*
     My thoughts are all over the place but they always end up in the same place. With her. I love her with all i have. I really wish things were different. Maybe someday ill get what i want. Ill just do what i always do and that's simple. Ill just keep trying because that's all i know how to do. Someday, yes someday ill finally get what i deserve ....